The sun rises on day two and Spencer Pratt is already bitching and moaning about not wanting to have babies, and how people get “punched in the face” for talking smack to others. This is ironic because he has the most punchable of faces in the land.
Natalie Nunn is still talking about pictures of her ass and how she doesn’t care if “somebody sees a nipple.” This leads me to believe Natalie Nunn has nipples on her ass.
Today, they will talk about what happens if they don’t survive Marriage Boot Camp. That involves a certain honorable Divorce Court judge named Lynn Toler. What what!!!
Nippled-Ass Nunn, a “social-media whore” and “spoiled brat” per her man Jacob, says she thinks Judge Toler is a bitch.
Having exchanged emails with Her Honor in the past, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is far from a bitch. Nunn — a far-too-self-important cretin who thinks her man has no better options when, in fact, he does — is.
“A good wife has respect, and is supportive,” he says.
Aviva says life is unlivable with Reed. I still don’t know who these people are. So, whatever.
Then, Syleena and Kiwane are up. She’s crying. Says she doesn’t really know whether she puts as much into the marriage as he does. Another battle about custody going on here in faux court. She says he thinks she’s a bad mother; he says he doesn’t. This exchange occurs in a setting reminiscent of backstage at the Maury Povich Show.
“Divorce is not an option,” Syleena says.
Anyway, Heidi says Spencer — who doesn’t currently have a job — acts like a baby despite not wanting to have one bred from their wedded bliss. Married six years, no kids. Per Nunn, there are no financial implications of said potential divorce since they dropped all their coin on Heidi’s plastic surgery.
Judge Toler says “he’s just a kid.” And that Heidi should “get the fairy dust out of [her] eyes.” The world can see they’re just play acting.
Then, it’s Rachel and that Taylor or Tyson dude who looks like the sixth member of Maroon 5, who aren’t even married yet somehow made their way onto Marriage Boot Camp.
Judge Lynn breaks it all down for the Boot Camp Sergeants as the recruits sit around a table and try to put five brain cells to work on interpreting all they’re going through.
After a collective meal, it’s onto “OMG YOUR SPOUSE OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER DIED IN A CAR CRASH” portion of the show.
Kiwane, Natalie, Aviva, Tyson and Spencer are requested to leave the room with Sgts. David and Hot Ilsa. The others go with Sgts. Elizabeth and Jim. Oh, this should be really fucking fun.
Texting and driving (after storming out of the house in a fight) leads to a car crash.
Kiwane says it felt real because, as well all know, staged car wrecks on a reality-TV show are the realest.
The “survivors” are asked to tell their “dead” loved one whatever last words they’d say if, in fact, they walked up on a scene in their final moments (i.e. reading the last text message sent before the crash). OMG SYLEENA DIDN’T DIE!!!!!!!!!! THEY HAVE A SECOND CHANCE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
When Heidi’s dead in the car, Spencer’s all playacting, so he gets called out on it.
Makes me wonder why — besides ratings — any show books these two jitbags anymore. I mean, he’s still yapping about how he’s getting disrespected on a show for which he and his reality-TV bride enlisted.
Ugh. Why the hell do I watch this stuff?
Regardless, it was great to see Judge Lynn, having given up blogging on HER show a while back.