Dating Naked’s post-Fallon era begins with Chris downtalking her manipulative ways, that dude Justin taking a stethoscope to Kerri and Amanda all fawnin’ despite nudebro not feeling any chemistry.
Kerri’s first date with inked-up band-managing Michael from Los Angeles starts all awkward. Small talking about the Philippines. They kinda click while jumping off piers into the water.
Chris’ first date is Moenay. She was on Dating Naked last year, a return trip promised at the end of a very eventful, tear-filled, runaway-bro episode that featured this image:
They play a naked volleyball-placement game. Then, they do jumping jacks.
Then, they chat.
Then, they join the group. Kerri said she recognized her after she confessed she’d been on the show before.
Tell you what: the lack of Fallon’s hijinks is notable.
Even if Justin and Michael slide into a dominance hierarchy brobattle.
Time for the second dates!
That’s when Carrie from Los Angeles arrives. She’s got Katy Perry eyes.
And, a bubbly spirit she explains thusly: “Nothing about me makes sense. First impression people usually get of me is, ‘Whoa.’ Or they assume I’m really stupid, which…,” shrugs knowingly, “That was a really weird thing to say.”
She is not gainfully employed. In fact, she considers herself a “gypsy,” picking up “odd jobs,” and “I love it.” Chris thinks she’ll be the life of the party and “I love it.”
She’s the best.
Anyway, Kerri gets some dude named Casey who looks like he didn’t get past the second audition for a background scenester on Justified. He rides bulls. The feeling of being naked on the island is “compareable” to the bullridin’ rush. He’s wearing boots within a minute.
He twerks and then tells her his friends have lost thumbs to roping endeavors. Then, they throw lassos. Yee. Haw.
Chris and Katyeyes are playing pirate dress-up (complete with face-painting). Chris realizes Katyeyes can’t hold a conversation. Like, neurons firing like someone cleaning the house on crushed-up trucker speed pills. (Fear not: She evens out.)
Bullriding bro and doc bro start doing them preening maneuvers that doc bro and Michael were a few minutes back. Michael’s strumming a really horrible song that he wrote for her while she was out on the other date. It’s called “Let me get to know you.” See, he’s trying to get to know her as part of the show and, oh, forget it.
Somehow, a Jeopardy-like board is set up on a wall and he’s asking the guitar guy and the bull riding guy questions implicitly designed to embarrass them. Really, really weird. But at least it paves the way for this brofight …
This episode is what happens when you pit C grade-level aggros against one another with honor and access to bare breastuses at stake. It’s overshadowed the entire episode.
Ugh. Chris sends Katyeyes home.
🙁
Moenay’s batting .500 now.
Picking into one of those movie-theater claw-hand games filled with stuffed peacocks, she goes with Michael, the dude with the guitar, who has no chance to last another week.
Moments like this put everything into perspective, for we’re all God’s children, beholden to an energy that summons empathy when we see the weakest among us suffering. Remember his pain for in doing so, we collectively help stanch the communal wound.