Tracy is a 30-year-old nurse. She and Josh were childhood sweethearts. Until her family moved away. This left Josh in tears. I have a sneaking suspicion that he should’ve been weeping when she came back into his life.
She says she would change Josh’s “hearing problems” if she could. I’m not sure if it’s a real ailment or he’s just ignoring her when it suits him. If it’s the latter, I suppose he’d ignore her when she’s PUKING IN HER WEDDING DRESS ON HER WEDDING DAY. But enough about that for now. Let’s see what these two all about.
Like how she starts crying and demanding he takes time off of work TO ACCOMPANY HER TO PICK UP PLASTIC PLATES. (Or paper, too disinterested to rewind and check).
What’s weird is how she compulsively itches her forehead, near the eyes, when she’s in a salon chair talking about her mother-in-law-to-be’s hesitance to accept her as “the daughter she never had.” She then says maybe she’ll hold her down and say LOVE ME! She posits this situation with the wide eyes of a psychopath who should be placed on some sort of watch list.
Anyway, mom-in-law-to-be shows up for dinner. She begs out of going to the nail salon with psychopathic daughter-in-law-to-be since “it’s been a long day.” They cut to psycho bawling her eyes out about how hard she tries to love everybody and it’s so painful that dude didn’t talk to his mom about loving the woman he’s marrying.
So, she puts the wedding dress on to show off in from of mother-in-law. But even THAT wasn’t as special a moment as Tracy had hoped. “If I had my way,” she says, “everybody would love me.”
They have their rehearsal dinner at the Pizza Ranch in Indianola, Iowa (Home of Legendary Pizza, Chicken, Salad, and Buffet). Bro’s family doesn’t even sit with the loving couple on their nuptial eve.
This results in “anxious Tracy times 100” who feels claustrophobic so she goes in the bathroom, where the cameras show people fleeing upon her entry. She’s in there for at least 20 minutes, comes out and asks to be taken home. At which point, she starts dry heaving and spitting on the sidewalk outside the Ranch.
But onto the wedding day! In some sort of field with what looks to be a trailer park in the distance. Narrator makes a veiled Tracy-as-succubus reference. Then, she starts puking again. They show the back of the wedding dress coming from the stall. That’s a touch of class.
Oh, Tasha‘s back. She met the “smaller person” man she’s trying to turn into a straight Clay Aiken online. Of course she did.
“I would describe the relationship as special,” Jeff says, “because it’s special to us.”
Aw.
What else is special? When she tries to figure out what the sexual position “69” is at her bachelorette party, and that “your G-spot is not in the roof of your mouth” and when a stripper started blasting her in the face (alas, with his “police” pants still on.)
And how she considers putting laxatives in the meal she’s preparing for both their families.
And how she can’t answer the “what do you find attractive about your fiancee” question without laughing.
And how she talks about grabbing and squeezing her dad’s testicles before watching him drop to the floor and kicking him in the stomach.
To her credit, she flips out when “they” is spelled “the” on the wedding program which reads:
“THE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO REMEMBER ALL
THE LOVED ONES WHO ARE NO LONGERWITH US.”
“People are going to think I’m an idiot,” the English minor says.
“That should be the least of your concerns, sweetie,” the ever-entertaining Bridezillas narrator retorts.
Shortly thereafter, she’s in a room conversing with herself. But, loudly enough that people not in the same room can hear her. She then comes out seeking her snow globe for soothing, relaxation sake.
Roseblood.