After what I presume was a Super Bowl-related hiatus, the Rich Kids of Beverly Hills returned to our television screens Sunday right where they left us: In Mexico. On a rich-kid vacation to celebrate the one-year anniversary of Morgan (aka Booblouber, or BL) and Brenden (aka Balding Realtor, or BR).
I forget what happened on Part One of this Very Important Life Event. So, instead of a mini-recap, you get this link.
The tease at show’s start alludes to some sort of spat over how to divvy up the bill. Which is what you’d expect rich kids from Beverly Hills to battle about in Cabo. Or something.
Dorothy and Morgan are talking about how the nightlife there is not what they’re used to. And how Jonny’s a great dancer.
“Honestly, I dance a lot with my neck,” he explains. “And, like, my chiropractor notices that because he’s always, like, ‘What’s wrong with your neck?’ And, I’m like, girl, I DON’T KNOW! And I get to a club and I’m like …”
This is when the cameras cut to Jonny Drubel neck dancing at a club.
EJ then steps up and maintains that there’s really no debate as to who is the best dancer. That it’s him. Because of course it is.
This is when the cameras cut to EJ doing rollypollylike voguing of some sort or another. And then they show Jonny and EJ with the dance floor to themselves looking kinda like a couple of knock-kneed lads at The Ocean Drive during a Secret Service happy hour. Showing a lack of grounding, Jonny asserts that they, indeed, ruled that night. This is when it’s decided that the dance off must be Vined:
From there, it’s off to find an anniversary present for BR. Booblouber makes the pitch that it’s a mechanism by which she can deceive him into believing that she isn’t solely about material items. This, because he’s so amazing and special. So something about a $20,000/hour-or-so yacht and waverunners and something or another. Don’t know. Was distracted momentarily.
Reality sets back in when they cut to EJ getting a foot massage. He and Jonny are talking about how awesome they danced last night. And how they can’t stand to be around straight people for too long. And how EJ should have his own talk show so watch out Oprah. And Jonny’s spraytan.
Back to Boobs’ room. There’s a bug on the wall. So EJ and Jonny show up with a broom and spray. EJ is scared. So is Jonny when it jumps off the wall towards him and the ladies. Averting tragedy, the bug leaves the room. But Roxy misses it now. AWWWWWWW!!!!
Now they’re talking about shoes with clips of people walking on the $20K boat.
“Hola,” screams Dorothy to people near the boat. “Como estas?”
Then, she jumps in the water off the boat and this happens:
Explains Dorothy, “Your bathing-suit bottom becomes your tampon very quickly.”
More Instagram pics. More empty banter. Cut to dinner. Dorothy’s getting hammered. Morgan’s taking selfies at the dinner to celebrate her love for someone not called her.
Conversation turns to splitting the bill between multiple parties. A couple years ago. Fight breaks out. Booblouber tries to quell said beef but just eggs it on despite wanting everyone to shut the fuck up and respect the fact that it’s her party. Dorothy starts crying but it’s all for the cameras despite the spin that it shows how much she cares for the others.
Oh, why the fuck am I even watching this anymore? Drunken bawling amid a gaggle of the vapid does not an entertaining half hour make. Even in the morning-after figure-out-how/who-to-apologize montage.
THIS WAS A FIGHT ABOUT NOTHING BETWEEN PEOPLE WHO COLLECTIVELY MEAN NOTHING OUTSIDE THEIR BUBBLE OF VAPIDITY FOR CRISSAKE.
So anyway, BL and BR get some alone time. Well, the two of them and a mariachi band. Which she sees as totes unique even though mariachi bands are as common in Cabo as wisps of smog in L.A.
HOWEVER, strip the crowd and hamming away, and these two kids are a’ight, BL and BR. Takes till the last second of the episode to remember it, though.