Pologies. I missed the initial airing of RKOBH’s third episode. However, spoiler-insensitive Twitter fans @aabeaton and @sibelmy declared that “I swear I could have cried when Brendan got passionate about manners at the table, I was so happy” and “Brendan=perfection.”
The show also garnered the attention of NY Mag, which issued a scathing takedown of Boobs & Loubs. You can read that here.
I felt it necessary to share these contrasting opinions on the episode/show prior to diving into it. Perhaps I will concur. Perhaps I won’t. Let’s see…
The ep starts with Balding Realtor Brendan (BR) and Booblouber Morgan Stewart (BL) discussing kisses while drinking a martini and a red wine. Booblouber is prying for compliments on her near-one-year anniversary; she’s worried about his lack of mentioning said historic impending occasion. She’s trying to get diamond earrings because a one-year anniversary means that they’ll basically be together forever. Backed into a corner, balding realtor mentions a potential trip. Booblouber wants to bring other people along to Cabo. Because it’s a party city where you get drunk for four days and not just with your significant other.
They cut to a beach where booblouber wonders aloud whether they’re actually at the “free clinic.” Here’s what that looked like:
At the free clinic, Roxy fears she won’t be able to get away from her freelance interior design gig to party in Cabo. I suspect she will, though, even when she breaks down how the last trip to Cabo was all, like, bad, because booblouber wanted to itemize the bill, which runs counter to being a Rich Kid In Beverly Hills or something. Boo.
When Morgan arrives at booblouber’s house, booblouber starts going through the Hermes bags accumulated during that day’s shopping spree. Booblouber wants to hook Morgan up with Cooper, the type of douchebro who dresses like a pilot on Instagram. Don’t know whether he is a pilot or not. Don’t really care.
After the commercial break, Booblouber and Brendan are discussing logistics while BL packs. There’s a quote that pretty much sums up Vapidity Vers. 2014:
“Brendan likes experiences, and I like material items,” explains BL. “I really, really, really want an olive-green Givenchy bag for my anniversary. Every time I see one in a magazine, every time we walk by it at Barney’s, on the second floor, I’m like, ‘How nice is that baaag?’ ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, let’s go to the third floor.’ ‘Why, that’s women’s?'”
Brendan’s all, like, I’d much rather our anniversary was just us. And Booblouber is, like, check out all these skimpy bikinis and the Chanel beach towel.
Then, they’re off on the plane. A private plane. Roxy’s slugging Dom (I think) from the bottle because she doesn’t have time for a glass. Morgan’s name dropping Brody Jenner’s as if it matters.
The weather at their five-star hotel is graphically hashtagged #hotandhumid. This wittily pithy E! treatment shan’t get old.
When BL and BR get to their room, the green Givenchy bag is waiting on the bed. She immediately sends Roxy a picture of it. Because rich people buying things that other spoiled rich people want is nothing short of a true reflection of love.
The rest of the crew is now prancing about the pool area getting champagne showers. EJ (first reference: roomy gay fellow) takes note of Dorothy macking on Cooper. BL and BR are squabbling about who takes longer to get ready to go out. They’re just liek us!!!!
Punctuality is important to Brendan, and it annoys him when people are tardy, as several members of the party are for dinner. This will lead to a dispute. That guy who didn’t want to go to the blood drive because gay and straight blood isn’t deemed on equal bleeding notes that Morgan’s late arrival will likely lead to an apocalypse or exorcism or something.
It doesn’t. It leads to booblouber complaining of the disruption to collective celebrations and Brendan demands that all cell phones are put in the middle of the table because what the fucking fuck, we are on vacation. But EJ makes the valid point that, “it is 2013 and we are all popular.” Or something. And booblouber starts yelling about being offended. Says Brendan, the behavior and the texting is just too f’in much.
It is heartbreaking to watch these people face these issues.
What ever happened to common decency?
What ever happened to formality?
What ever happened to America?
The answers to those questions will wait, as the party resolves to start drinking shots of tequila. This is not a masking agent for deep seated problems.
OR IS IT?
I will now go full circle and close with Alexandra and Sibel’s text reviews of the episode itself:
On Saachi
On Brendan and Booblouber
On Brendan (2)
On the tequila gathering