When we left our LWLAdies last week, marriage-pusher Christy and The Todd decided that maybe getting married at a little chapel in Sin City wasn’t, maybe, like, the best idea.
That didn’t slow down the TetChristy Offensive, though. She and The Todd will be man and bride three days hence, which is why she’s showing off her dress to Briana and Hot Russian LWLAdy Elena (who constitute one of two LWLAdy factions).
Seems as if Christy has not yet met The Todd’s family. So that’s an added item on the “why you don’t force future spouses into rushed nuptials” checklist. But I digress.
Terra, Tonya and Traci (who is also getting married, but has lost the chronological war onaccounta Christy’s aggressive scheduling) are poolside with their menpieces. Stripping the Elena factor out, this is the barely-better LWLAdy faction. Even if they’re pressuring Joe to propose to Terra. This will never happen. As this show has established, Joe is so not into needy dancey Terra. OR IS HE? I ask in all caps because he dropped a hint about something unexpected happening at Christy and The Todd’s wedding.
Anyway, Christy and The Todd’s parents all get together and Christy’s mom’s talking about that time they were in Vegas and Christy was dressed like a leprechaun and people were sticking dolla dolla bills down her weevage. The Todd’s folks don’t seem to play dat doh. Christy’s mom then gets into how awesome it is that The Todd is willing to take on the baggage of an already-bred, cray-ex having bride. OMG MAWWWWWMMMMM STAAAAHHHP.
Fast-forward to wedding prep and the LWLAdies are talking about how they love to bang. It starts with them prying about Elena’s man’s meat and how he probably “spins [her] like a top.” Tonya’s all about getting picked up. Terra likes getting held up against the wall when getting donged.
Anyway, The Todd “wrote” his wedding vows by finding some wedding vows online, apparently. And Christy, she don’t like this none. Because everything is always about Christy, Christy, Christy. She seems on the verge of telling The Todd to talk to her hand.
She also recognizes the need to back off from the current “Bridezilla” DEFCON level.
Joe’s humoring Terra by going househunting and saying how they need to take the next step. OMG MAYBE HE’S GONNA PROPOSE!!!
Also, all non-drinking indications are that Hot Russian LWLAdy Elena probably done got knocked up.
Perhaps, God willing, Joe/Terra and Elena/Elena’s man will make big announcements at the wedding that make up for the fact that Christy’s tacky pressuring of The Todd overshadowed the fact that Traci is getting married, too.
This The Todd, though, he really seems like good people. Hope this works out.
With 23 minutes left in the episode, it takes on a structural similarity to Bridezillas. The Todd’s all nervous on the altar. The flower girls are in red. Elena is glowing that glow that sperm met egg in her womb. Violin-y music plays. Vows are exchanged, vows that The Todd memorized but Christy read off a mobile phone …
Time for the drama of the wedding reception!!!
Terra’s all bummed because Joe didn’t show. She looks around at all the loving couples, wallowing in the pain of but we’re really in love loneliness. I have a sneaking suspicion Joe’s gonna go all Tommy Lee with the drum kit and rawk his way right onto that party deck with a ring for Terra, who has shown signs that she, too, may get all pushy with the nuptials scheduling.
BUT WHATEVER, IT’S TIME TO VINE THE BOUQUET TOSS!!!!
Oh, and Hot Russian LWLAdy Elena won’t say whether she’s pregnant. Cliffhung, yo!!!
Oh, and Christy hopes to be able to text Traci on her wedding day to announce her pregnancy. Because why not inject yourself into events to which you’re not invited.
This is the lasting image from the first (is it last?) season of Little Women: LA. Kinda ran its course, did it not?