Chuck is from Miami Beach, Fla. He likes to work hard and play hard. He sports a nice neckbeard.
Camille is from Vegas. She serves cocktails and likes girly things AND drinking beer while eating chicken wings.
She’s quite bashful. The whole meeting-naked thing is awkward.
Chuck isn’t her type, what with him weighing about a buck-twenty soaking wet, she says, but she warms up to him on a boat date on which they nudely re-enact that whole Titanic scene. OMG THEY KISS IN THE SHOWER ON THE FIRST DATE!!! It was a test, per Camille. The magic wasn’t there. 🙁
Second dates are up:
Chuck’s second paramour is Kristen from Beverly Hills. She’s 42. She has, per Chuck, boobs, like, wow. She also has cray eyes.
Camille thinks Robert from Florida is “super hot.” Totally goes to the gym. Robert from Florida is such a megamind that he thinks “clothes is just materialistic things.” There’s more …
She reviews his penis …
… and he says he thinks she has a body that looks like fun.
They play pool. She makes a pool-cue pun about how it felt when he lined up behind her for a shot, so to speak.
Chuck and his Titsy Date are doing some archery. TD says Chuck’s confidence is not cocky.
Pool cues. Shooting arrows. Cocky. Oh behave.
Camille admits she’s a “very sexual person.” Robert says he can go, like, three times a day. His nipples are hard as he admits he was previously engaged. She doesn’t like this one bit.
TD says she’s a sommelier. Chuck doesn’t know what that means. He deflects that with a question: Have you ever been in love? The depth of conversational excellence is stunning. He’s getting “love drunk” on his Titsy Date, who was “looking at [his] package.” She admits as much, as well as how she’s “adventurous” and “into some kinky stuff.”
There’s a “tie me up, spank me” element at play here.
When the four of ’em gather at the totally-necessary wet bar, Chuck’s all like, yo Robert, looks like you hit the gym. Yeah bro, I do, comes the reply.
Chuck slowly realizes he’s in over his head.
Because he so is. Titsy Date knows what she wants and won’t hesitate to just fucking take it, methinks. He so wants to get smacked around by the older lady. He tells her “you are so frickin’ hot.” She doesn’t let him come into her cabin, though.
Camille don’t be liking how young Rob is. She lets him come in her cabin.
Onto Dates Three!
Chuck meets Michelle by a huge tree.
She’s from Chula Vista, Cal. and doesn’t think guys take her seriously. She mocks Chuck’s pose. She’s originally from Mejico. “Boobs, she’s got a butt,” is Chuck’s initial review. She looks like V Stiviano without the racist multi-quadrilionaire sugar daddy, is mine.
Camille’s next date is Julian. He looks from afar like a Zach de la Rocha tribute artist with ladylip tats on his lower chest.
Then, there’s something else going on during their initial meeting, too …
“We’re humans,” says Julian, who didn’t want to look like a “perv” or anything.
Oops!!!
Anyway, Chuck and Michelle are building a raft to get out to some booze island or anything. She notes aloud that she isn’t wearing any panties. That’s weird. I figured she would wear panties on Dating Naked.
Camille and Julian are doing yoga. Naked. Seems as if Julian has another boner.
“Awkward situation,” says the lady who has been subjected to a minimum of two boners in the past few minutes. “I have a dick in my face.”
He soon tells her he’s an outsider who is into sci-fi.
Michelle’s totally dictating the pace and tenor of this date. If there were clothes involved, she’d be wearing Chuck’s wee pants right about now, relationally speaking. He’s fawning over her. She will be his selection. Bet.
When they gang all comes together, Michelle and Kristen look at one another and see themselves. (Pretty smart, actually). They worry that they will beat themselves, and this has Kristen’s crazy eyes lightin’ up red. She ain’t having Chuck kissin’ up on Michelle, neither.
Camille’s off in the hammock with Rob. They make out. Aw.
Fast forward to Draft Day.
Camille doesn’t feel a connection with Chuck and Julian. Rob’s a wee bit too young for her, but whatevs, she’ll give it a shot anyway. She cites “intellectual chemistry.” ROFLMAO. Ok.
Chuck’s up. He’s gonna pick between Kristen and Michelle after the commercial break. He picks Kristen and Michelle. looks. pisssssssssed.
Here’s hoping Julian gets a boner for Michelle and six people leave the Love Island happy.