Chris and Fallon. Kerri and Mason. Those are the keeper couples as we enter this whole new episode of Dating Naked.
Chris’ date one is Stephanie, who has “skydived topless.” She’s an RN with “big boobs” — per Chris — from Sedona, Az. Their first date is going diving.
The apparatus left for them comes in two pieces. One is number 6; the other is number 9.
Nice.
I can’t wait to see how Fallon tries to undermine the type of woman noble enough to aim to work in pediatric oncology.
Kerri’s first date is some 41-year-old bro named Mark who seems to shave every inch of skin. He’s a personal trainer and pro wrestler who’d bang himself, as “he’s pound for pound, the best around.”
Kerri sees a Joe Pesci/Pitbull mashup. This is a fair assessment.
Meet Mark from #datingnaked. He likes himself a lot. https://t.co/oXSOJ8jxdc
— Brian P. Hickey (@BrianPHickey) August 13, 2015
Mark on #datingnaked takes note of his date's shaving habits. https://t.co/Kx4F97dZCf
— Brian P. Hickey (@BrianPHickey) August 13, 2015
I don’t think we’re looking at a love connection, despite a lovely kite-flying date during which Kerri likens him to a “lizard running on two feet” and a “douche.” Fair assessments, again.
Kerri’s second date is some paisan named Domenico from Queens.
Chris’ is Andrea, who “thinks penises are ugly.” She says Chris is “not really my type” and just hopes she “doesn’t get any bug bites on my vag.” Ugh. She probably complains about ev ree thing. DK why they even booked her for the show tbqh.
Thirty minutes in, it’s clear that Kerri will keep Mason around (barely, despite Domenico’s charms making her revisit concerns about age-gapism) and Chris will fall for whatever tricks Fallon has up her naked sleeve to fend off a worthy challenge from Stephanie.
Clothed group-shot interlude:
Anyway, Fallon’s threatening to “blow the whole island up” if she doesn’t get picked as this week’s keeper. I don’t think she means it, but hopefully, Homeland Security has been notified just in case.
This has been a really low-key episode up until the selection ceremony. This leads me to believe all f’ing hell is gonna break loose.
As expected, Chris casts Drea aside with the quickness and then talks up both Fallon and Stephanie before choosing … Fallon, a decision which prompts Drea to talk down on the lady with the nice ass. (Real talk: Stephanie might could’ve been the right pick here; Fallon’s so famewhorin’).
And, as expected, Kerri casts Mark aside with the triple quickness. Between Mason and Domenico, she’s torn, as both seem like decent dudes. Her final answer? After a cliffhanger commercial break, and a chance for the bros to make their final pitch, she chooses NEITHER!
“What I really want isn’t here right now,” she says. “I’m choosing to go back to the house alone tonight.”
🙁