Right off the bat, the Bridezilla’s narratress describes roomy ‘Zilla Davina as obnoxious. That bodes well for public perception of the 30-year-old bartender from Berkeley, Cal., who started “rubbing my boobs on his back” when they worked at the same restaurant in what proved to be a successful seduction.
She’s Mexican; he’s Vietnamese. She says he can’t drive, but at least admits it’s stereotypical n’shit.
She notes that his mother “invited all of Vietnam” to the wedding, which explains the expanding budget.
She’s having issues with the DJ having walked off with a deposit so she’s interviewing new ones four days before the wedding. Her rules: No fucking disco. No Chicken Dance. None of that fucking shit. NEW-SCHOOL HIP HOP ONLY! This is a problem when her fiance Brian requests the Bee Gees. He should just shut the fuck up, though.
The DJ requests a $250 deposit which pisses Davina off. When she bitches about this, he suggests she find a DJ on Craigslist. “You don’t give me the $250, then I’m not gonna show up,” he says. She bitches about that, too.
As her mom says, she’s “just a bitch.” To be fair, while she IS bitchy in each moment on the show, she pales in comparison to other former Bridezillas contestants. Maybe she’ll step it up at the “Bride’s Corral,” where she’s overseeing the groomsmen’s tux fittings. YEP!
Best-man Randy shows up with shaggy perm ‘do and pimpstache. This prompts Davina to note that he’s “going to get my fist where he doesn’t want it.” She takes him outside and threatens him, so he says he’ll listen to Brian. He laughs at her, too. That doesn’t go over well.
Randy says he’ll think about fixing his hair as requested. Now Brian’s laughing because “every time I turn around, I just see Randy’s hair blowing in the wind.” Then, as she waddles away, she threatens the ‘Zillas camera crew.
Before long, she’s talking about how she wants her bridesmaids to get laid to the point of condom wrappers laying on the floor. She enacts a behavior policy for the wedding, particularly for her younger brothers, who hope to get Brian “more than drunk” at the nuptials: “To me, watching her happy is kind of boring,” says one of ’em. Then, the guys is off to the bar at the restaurant to get shots; Brian’s all glad-eyed as Davina tries to drag him away from the bar before another shot.
She dares him to take the shot, but says he can’t come home if he does. She walks out alone.
Next day, she’s all pissed off. Because it’s bachelor party day. She’s asking about hookers, strippers and sluts now. He’s all like we’re just going to a bar. There may be girls there. Because it’s not a “penis fiesta.” She says she’d have no compunction about having someone else step in as my groom “if I have to. I know a ton of muthafuckas that would want to marry me.”
The second part of Davina/Brian is going to rawk.
Tabby‘s back. And she’s still all pissed off about whatever. Fun fact: Bill proposed while singing karaoke. No knee bend. No wait-til-she-says-yes ring sliding on. Inna gadda da vida, baby, don’t you know I will marry you. (They didn’t say the song, woe, so I had to improvise.)
While she “doesn’t no crap about flowers, not a flowery type of person,” she’s now at the florist’s shop. She thinks the florist is “a bitch” and whisper-rips her to her friend, when the florist is standing well-within breath-shot.
When she’s late to the rehearsal, she tells the camera that “this is making my butthole pucker.”
When he’s practicing his vows, he confuses the word “lawful” for “awful.” Foreshadowing.
Soon, they’re at what appears to be a biker bar where some dude starts grinding on Tabby from behind. He says “she wants me to rub up against her.” Then, he leans in and says, “Tell her. One last time.” Then, Tabby gets all huffy because of future-sis-in-law’s intervention. FSIL then rats her out to the fiance. That prompts a cocktail-throw and scuffle.
“I have a tendency to get mean on whiskey, liquor,” she says, ending with a cough.
“Tend to?” asks someone off-camera.
“Shut up,” comes the retort.
Then, after the wedding party traveling to the ceremony on the back of a farm trailer, they get married at an “encampment.” Fin.