World Cup Round of 16 Anthems, Ranked

I dig listening to the national anthems before all World Cup matches. But, let’s be clear: some anthems are better than others. Here is a list ranking the 16 anthems of the teams who made it to the knockout round of said tournament. You may disagree, but these rankings are definitive. The parenthetical is how they land, on a scale of 10, of how much of a bop they are.

16. England

Any nation that changes the lyrics because of a single death is a laughingstock of a nation. (1/10)

15. Japan

At least they don’t change their lyrics all the time.

14. Spain

My beef with Spain is its refusal to let Catalonia be free. That negatively impacts my feelings about the anthem itself. Sorry, not sorry. (4.5/10)

13. Netherlands

Feels like a segue in a dramatic movie that you didn’t really care about the outcome. Also, screw them since they’re playing America. (6/10)

12. Portugal.

It’s OK, I guess. Doesn’t really stand out from the crowd. Also, f*** Ronaldo. (6/10)

11. Poland

Not all that memorable or rousing. (6/10)

10. Switzerland.

Middle of the pack. Not a bop. (6/10)

9. Senegal

Gets a little repetitive, but it’s got some heart. Respectable effort. (7/10)

8. Croatia

This one’s got a little bit of an edge to it, some grandeur. And I’m scared of people from the Balkan area. (7.5/10)

7. Australia

Too elegant for a land built by prisoners. Good people, though. What it lacks in musical splendor, it makes up for in it being where John Sharkey lives. (7.5/10)

6. South Korea

Shows respect and love for its country. Moving, in that standard anthem sense. Has some gusto with the uptick near the end. (8/10)

5. Morocco

I was in Morocco once. For a day. After talking a hydrofoil from Malaga, Spain. Loved the place. That impacts my rankings insofar as I dug that place’s spirit and noted it in the music. This is a good anthem. Morocco is a good place. Play it again, Sam. (8.5/10)

4. France

A bop. What an anthem should be. Screw them for knocking Messi out in 2018, but fair play for them probably knocking England out this year. (9/10)

3. Argentina

Celebratory Christmas vibes into a crowd-pleasing bop. If Messi sings it, you should too. #D10S (9.5/10)

2. United States


1. Brazil

The king of all national anthems. Full emotional ride. Leaves you wanting to blast through a wall and take on all comers. Every country should try to remake its anthem as some sort of variation on this. It’s the G.O.A.T. I can’t wait to listen to it, even before the third place game since Messi’s gonna send them packing. (10/10)

Leave a Reply