In my role of trash-TV aficionado, I was quite pleased when I saw an email from the E! network offering up the first two episodes of “WAGS.” Premiering on Aug. 18 (10 p.m. eastern), it’s a show about Wives And Girlfriends of Sports Stars. Obvi.
Let’s get the overarching review out of the way: Like most E! shows, this is wholly unnecessary, but makes up for it in high-volume prurient eye candy. The whole “life as a hot chick who landed an athlete man isn’t as easy as it looks from the outside” narrative focus can do nothing but fall flat. But whatever. E! isn’t a bastion of intellectualism anyway.
Now, onto the local hook: One of the aforementioned wives is Autumn Ajirotutu, wife of Seyi Ajirotutu, a WR and special teamer who recently signed a one-year contract with the hometown Eagles.
They met in college. They used to partay. But then, they had twins.
As such, she’s set out in pursuit of the best party-to-parenting path available. She said considerations of whether “she washed her ass [or] brushed her teeth today” have taken over for urges to just grind on him in the kitchen and whatnot. This should really play well in the NovaCare locker room.
Anyway, the inherent friction established early on in this program is how wives look down on girlfriends since they really don’t whether the latter will be around for any extended period of time.
In turn, the girlfriends don’t abide by this construct, as they don’t deem marriage or parenthood as particularly important life achievements.
It seems as if the show’s construct over eight episodes will be having the WAGs in one another’s company while bringing their athlete men into the mix on occasion. This, because, they all consider L.A. their offseason home base.
Also standard: Some of the ladies pose on IG and talk about number of followers and whatnot.
One of the thirstier non-wife WAGs, Natalie, gets to talking about how having a black card in ones wallet or purse is the answer to all life’s problems, so she needs to get herself an athletedaddy with the quickness.
Fun fact: Nicole Williams has a camera piped into her cellphone that shows boyfriend Larry English (Tampa Bay Bucs) in the bedroom. The ladies consider her a stalker. This is a fair assessment.
There are discussions about how:
— Junior hockey coaches apparently find girls for players to run trains on so that’s why they end up being nuptial-era cheaters in the pros.
— Natalie Halcro looks into getting her vagina “souped up” (read: tightened) to help celebrate her boyfriend Shaun Phillips’ birthday (he of the Denver Broncos, Tennessee Titans and Indianapolis Colts)
— I presume there will be friction between Barbie Blank — engaged to Sheldon Souray (most recently of the Anaheim Ducks) — and the hot two cousin manhunters who lack filters to the point of insulting wedding-ring size.
— The intellectual depth of the show 25 minutes in is a discussion about the existence of “push presents” that women receive after giving birth.
— Larry English better think long and hard about his approach to Nicole Williams‘s frightening over-possessiveness as it manifested itself on the class trip to Vegas (i.e. bailing on her in a Vegas club to hang with his boys and/or leaving dinner to crash in their suite at The Palms.)
So anyway, I really can’t recommend watching this program, particularly because it seems as if Autumn — the local hook solely on account of a tenuous one-year contract — seems level-headed to the point where she won’t even crack the local celeb-gossip roundups. But then again, clips like this could convince me to put it on for a few minutes after getting home from Tuesday night Quizzo:
And, Autumn’s reaction to this behavior:
