It’s about a month after an election in Philly, and you know what that means: that’s right, the good folks over at the City Commissioners Office sent over a handy-dandy spreadsheet (per my regular request) so I can peruse the entries, pluck a few noteworthy ones out – be they local inside jokes or funny entries or etc – to share with you on this here website.
November’s general election followed form with some old standards (Harambe is back and so are Deez Nutz, bby!), an accumulation of votes for Gritty and local athletes and others. However, despite a smattering of Hawk Tuah votes across multiple races, it just felt more profane and rage-fueled in these trying times.
I intentionally excluded political folks and hangers on who I don’t like – as well as an uptick in racially charged entries – because it’s my post, my site and my rules. Sorry, traitorous losers. You don’t even rise to the level of attention-worthiness as whomever wrote Cool Ranch Doritos in for pretty much every race, and they’re not even a good version of the snack.
Anyway, see below for the names that jumped out on a cursory review. Don’t see one listed and want me to check for it? Just send the name along and I’ll do a search. Thanks. Go Birds.
Oh yeah, thanks to whomever wrote me in for a state representative position. I will not let you down.
POTUS (2163 total):
Free Palestine/Gaza 65+
Jesus Christ 42+
The People 4
Lebron James 4
Jason Kelce 4
Taylor Swift 2
Saquon Barkley 2
Dave Chappelle 2
John Cena 2
Jalen Hurts 2
Gritty 2
Aaron Bushnell 2
Wu Tang 1
Travis Touchdown 1
Tim Tebow 1
Thomas Jefferson 1
The Rock 1
Stop the Polarized Options 1
Stop All Wars! 1
Steve Garvey/Davey Lopes 1
Spongebob Squarepants 1
RFK but not Trump 1
President Darth Sidious 1
Pope Francis 1
Philadelphia, PA 1
Nick Foles 1
Montgomery Brewster 1
Michael Murphy 1
Method Man 1
LOL 1
Killer Mike 1
Kelly Ripa 1
Junko Clownpiece 1
Joe Decamara 1
Jimmy Buffett (Posthumously) 1
Jeffrey Epstein 1
Howie Roseman/Big Dom 1
Harambe 1
Fuck You 1
Defund the Police 1
Darth Vader 1
Couch 1
Cool Ranch Doritos 1
Chicky the Ginger Cat 1
Chaos 1
Both Die 1
Big Bird 1
Batman 1
ACAB 1
Attorney General (522 total):
Free Palestine 71+
Your Mom 1
Work Harder for My Vote 1
Watch the Blacks Hating W-S 1
Travis Bickle 1
Snoop Dogg 1
Saquon Barkley 1
Requesting Additional Candidates 1
Playboi Carti 1
Pauly Shore 1
Nick Foles 1
My Boi Ian 1
My Ass 1
Mumia Abu Jamal 1
Ms Kittenz 1
Loki 1
Lebron James 1
Joel Embiid 1
James Earl Jones 1
Jalen Brunson 1
Jack Mehoff 1
Hulk Hogan 1
Hawk Tuah 1
Fuck You 1
Fred the Raccoon 1
Couch 1
Cool Ranch Doritos 1
Chewing Gum the Cat 1
Butterball 1
Bill Cosby 1
Ariana Grande 1
Amora the Enchantress 1
Auditor General (731 total):
Free Palestine /Gaza/Cease Fire 105+
Gritty 2
Your Mom 1
Whites are not always the Racist 1
Tupac Shakur 1
Trent Reznor 1
Tom Waits 1
Taylor Swift 1
Stop Slavery 1
Someone with Empathy 1
Sideshow Bob 1
Reparations for Black Americans 1
No Weddings at Bob N Barbaras 1
No Stadium in Chinatown 1
My Wife 1
My Dick 1
My Ass 1
Max from Secret Life of Pets 1
Marty McFly 1
Marshawn Lynch 1
Maizie the Dog 1
Kendrick 1
Just Say No 1
Jeffrey Epstein 1
Jalen Hurts 1
Jack Skeleton/The Pumpkin King 1
Healthcare is a Human Right 1
Hawk Tuah 1
Fuck You 1
Fuck the Police 1
Fuck the Electoral College 1
Fuck the Democrats & Kamala Harris/Tim Walz 1
Francisco Lindor 1
DMX 1
Couch 1
Cool Ranch Doritos 1
Bread Pudding 1
Bozo Clown Bear 1
Aaron Bushnell 1
State Representative – All (4670 total)
Free Palestine/Gaza 80+
Gritty 32
Jason Kelce 21
Saquon Barkley 12
Jalen Hurts 12
Bryce Harper 10
Harambe 6
Joel Embiid 5
Allen Iverson 5
Deez Nuts 4
Taylor Swift 3
Ranked Choice Voting 3
Nick Foles 3
Hawk Tuah 3
Elmo 3
Your Mom 2
Phillie Phanatic 2
Spongebob 2
Snoop Dogg 2
Q 2
Philly Captain 2
P Diddy 2
Not Rick! 2
Nick Castellanos 2
Mayor McCheese 2
Johnny Doc 2
Hunter Biden 2
Huey P Long 2
Hillary Clinton 2
Fund Septa 2
Frank Rizzo 2
Francisco Lindor 2
Carson Wentz 2
Borat Sagdiyev 2
Alex Jones 2
Yass Girl, Give Us Nothing 1
Wu Tang 1
Webfishing! 1
War Criminal Government 1
Tyrese Maxey 1
Tony Soprano 1
The Raccoons Displaced from FDR 1
The Phanatic 1
The Ghost of Francis Ford Coppola 1
Ted the Dog 1
Speed Humps 1
Someone with testicals (sic) 1
Someone with balls 1
Sixers Arena 1
Shohei Ohtani 1
Scooby Doo 1
Sally Ride -The Dog- 1
Saint Margaret of Castello 1
Rotisserie Chicken Guy 1
Rocky 1
Road Runner 1
Rizzler 1
Ricky Council 1
Richard Cheese 1
Reed Blankenship 1
Questlove 1
Protect Trans Kids 1
Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca III 1
Poopoo Peepee 1
Oscar the Grouch 1
One who fears God and no fakes 1
No Weed 1
No Thank You 1
No Jeff Yass 1
No Euthenasia (sic) 1
Nicki Minaj 1
Nick Sirianni 1
My Mom 1
My Dog Hermione 1
My Dog 1
My Cat Basil 1
Ms. Nobody 1
Mr. Red 1
Miss Peaches 1
Mike Jerrick 1
Mick Jagger 1
Meek Millz 1
Mando 1
Malcolm X 1
Malcador the Sigilite 1
Lump of Shit 1
Loki 1
Leon Black 1
Lebron 1
Lauren Rinaldi 1
Kyle Schwarber 1
Kurt Cobain 1
Kendrick Lamar 1
Joe Flacco 1
Jimmy Rollins 1
Jelly Roll 1
Jella Biaffa 1
James Gitto 1
Ice Spice 1
Ice Cube 1
I Love My Girlfriend 1
Hungarian Pastry 1
Hugh Mungus 1
Homer Simpson 1
Henry Rollins 1
Hello Kitty 1
Haywood Ja – Blome 1
Hawk Tuah Girl 1
Hatthew Hattie Hatter Cat 1
Giant Turd 1
Giant Douche 1
Ghoul Ghost 1
George Washington Carver 1
George Orwell 1
Fund SEPTA This Time 1
Fuck You 1
Fuck Trump 1
Fuck the Two Party System 1
Fuck Martina White 1
Fuck Israel 1
Fuck Goldie 1
Freakbob Squarepants 1
Franklin (76ers Mascot) 1
Frank Stallone 1
Fifty Cent 1
Everybody Reading And/Or On This Ballot Should Feel Bad 1
Every Gazan 1
Ernie the Basenji 1
Epstein Didn’t Hang Himself 1
Earthworm Jim 1
Donna Kelce 1
Dick N Balls 1
Deez Nuts 1
Deez Nuts Too 1
D Nutz 1
Delicate Steve 1
Core Strength 1
Cooper DeJean 1
Cool Ranch Doritos 1
Cicero 1
Chief Wiggum 1
Chase Utley 1
Charles Barkley 1
Chaka Khan 1
Cee Dee Lamb 1
Cat 1
Captain Sensible 1
Caitlin Clark 1
Butts 1
Bucky Dent from FB 1
Buckslayer 1
Bruno the Pit Bull 1
Broccoli Rabb 1
Brian P Hickey 1
Boner Forever 1
Bluey 1
Bill Cosby 1
Bigplay Slay 1
Betsy Ross 1
Ben Dover 1
Baba Booey 1
Anyone Besides that Asshole 1
Andy Reid 1
(Candidate Name) Can Lick My Asshole 1
AJ Brown 1
Air Bud (the dog) 1
Adolf Hitler 1
A Turd 1
A Potato 1
A New Workers Party 1
State Senate – First (1108 total):
Free Palestine 16
Gritty 11
Bryce Harper 10
Jason Kelce 8
Jalen Hurts 6
Joel Embiid 5
Saquon Barkley 3
Ranked Choice Voting 3
Philly Captain 3
Deez Nuts 3
Yes Arena 2
Sixers Arena 2
Your Mom 1
Von Hayes 1
Tyrese Maxey 1
This Guy Shook My Hand, Told Me To Email Him Then Never Returned My Emails, Fuck this Guy 1
Sammy Hagar 1
Reed Blankenship 1
Phillie Phanatic 1
Phil Lesh 1
Pete Rose 1
Pesto the Penguin 1
Peanut TS 1
Pat Myballs 1
No Sixers Arena! 1
Nick Sirianni 1
Mrs. Anyone 1
Joe Mamma 1
Jesse Ventura 1
Iceman 1
Hawk Tuah 1
Harambe 1
Gary Busey 1
Fuck You 1
Cool Ranch Doritos 1
Cookie Monster 1
Conor Barwin 1
Butts 1
Build the Arena 1
State Senate – Third (471 total):
Gritty 3
Free Palestine 3
Gaza 2
Chase Utley 2
Bryce Harper 2
Tyrese Maxey 1
The Son That Bit Someone 1
Red and Blue Parties Hate America 1
Mike Tyson 1
Mhairi Peanut Butter Cup Day 1
Hugh Jass 1
Hamburger Helper 1
Free Congo 1
State Senate – Fifth (134 total):
Free Palestine 7
Ceasefire 7
Rocky Balboa 1
Chef Pee Pee 1
Barney the Dinosaur 1
State Senate – Seventh (583 total):
Ceasefire 16
Free Palestine 13
Gritty 4
Term Limits 1
Saquon Barkley 1
Prince 1
Octavius Catto 1
Not Voting 1
Nate Tobey aka Big Sexy 1
Morgan Wallen 1
Malcolm X 1
Luke Skywalker 1
Kyle Schwarber 1
Jason Kelce 1
Jalen Brunson 1
Hunter Biden 1
Hobo 1
Harambe 1
Climate Change is Real 1
Bryce Harper 1
Bootlick Asshole 1
Blorbo Bleebus 1
Big Chungus 1
State Treasurer (679 total):
Free Palestine 41
Ceasefire 11
The Phanatic 3
Gritty 2
Your Mom 1
Youngbul 1
Thomas The Train 1
Teetor the Cat 1
Taylor Swift 1
Optimus Prime 1
None Of You Work For Me 1
No Sixers Arena! 1
My Ass 1
Mr. Scrooge 1
Jason Kelce 1
Jalen Hurts 1
Hawk Tuah 1
Fuck You 1
Fuck the Republicans and Trump/JD Vance 1
Free Haiti 1
Free Gaza 1
Elvis Presley (American Singer-Actor) 1
Eli Manning 1
Deez Nuts 1
Cool Ranch Doritos 1
Bryce Harper 1
An (sic) Piece of Toast 1
Allen Iverson 1
Alec Bohm 1
AJ Brown 1
“The Mullosk” By Ween 1
US Senator (575 total):
Erik Messina 31
Free Palestine 22
Ved Dookhun 12
Mickey Mouse 6
Gaza 5
Ceasefire 3
Batman 2
Your Mom 1
This Country Is Fucked 1
Taylor Swift 1
Prince 1
Playboi Carti 1
No Sixers Arena 1
No One Cares 1
My Dad 1
My Ass 1
Ms Kitt Katt 1
Jalen Hurts 1
Harambe 1
Gritty 1
Fuck You 1
Frank Gallagher 1
Dr. Pepper 1
Deez Nuts 1
Death to US Neolib Dominance 1
Cool Ranch Doritos 1
Chase Utley 1
Bruce Willis 1
Bob Fight For William Way Money 1
US Congress – 2nd (406 total):
Free Palestine 33
Ceasefire 30
Gaza 7
You All Suck 1
War Criminal Government 1
Tim Tebow 1
Sarah McBride 1
Saquon Barkley 1
Mr. Woke 1
Lauren Rinaldi 1
Kurt Vile 1
Joel Embiid 1
Jason Kelce 1
Hawk Tuah 1
Gritty 1
Fuck You 1
Donte Divincenzo 1
Death to Amerikkka 1
Beyonce 1
Aaron Bushnell 1
US Congress – Third (2,768 total):
Free Palestine 103
Ceasefire 98
Gritty 25
Jason Kelce 12
Bryce Harbper 11
Gaza 10
Jalen Hurts 9
Mumia Abu Jamal 6
Taylor Swift 5
Harambe 5
Elmo 5
Saquon Barkley 4
Medicare for All 4
Deez Nuts 4
Paige Wolfe 3
Mindy Isser 3
Larry Krasner 3
Joel Embiid 3
Nick Sirianni 2
Kyle Schwarber 2
A Wet Sock 2
Your Mudda 1
Your Mom 1
Yo Mama 1
Wu Tang 1
Vector from Despicable Me 1
Ur Mom 1
Uncle Rico 1
Trans People Deserve Safety 1
Tony Soprano 1
Sylvester Stallone 1
Scott Stapp 1
Satan 1
Saquon 1
Samuel L. Jackson 1
Sammy Hagar 1
Said Ibrahim 1
Ronnie James Dio 1
Red and Blue Hates America 1
Raise Minimum Wage 1
R Bradley Maule 1
Quinta Brunson 1
Public Education 1
Protect the Earth 1
Phillie Phanatic 1
Palestine Matters 1
Obi-Wan 1
Not Voting 1
No, Thank You 1
No Write In 1
No Parties 1
Nick Castellanos 1
Michael Murphy 1
Hunter Biden 1
Hung Diep 1
Hugh Janus 1
Homies Helping Homies 1
Hobo 1
Haywood Jablome 1
Hawk Tuah 1
Hamas 1
Grimace 1
GG Allin 1
George Clinton 1
Fund Septa 1
Fuck the Two Party System 1
Fuck Police 1
Fuck 1
Free Cuba and Assata 1
Flipcup the Dog 1
Fergus Carey 1
Fascism is Already Here 1
Dwight Schrute 1
Dr. Oz! 1
Dougburzum From Twitter 1
Death to Capital in Politics 1
Daniel Bauder 1
D Nutz 1
Cool Ranch Doritos 1
Cock and Ball Torture 1
Chase Utley 1
Charlie Day 1
Captain Crunch 1
Big Mouth Billy Bass 1
Ben Simmons 1
Avoid the Noid 1
Aunt Jemima 1
US Congress – Fifth (40 total):
Free Palestine 2
Stop the Genocide 1
Sandstorm 1
D.O.G. 1