As is practice each Philly election, be they primaries or general, the fine people from the City Commissioner’s Office shared with me a list of the write-in votes.
And as is practice each Philly election, voters did not disappoint. Some top-line observations:
– Nary a vote for Harambe.
– Tons of votes for Gritty, a handful of Eagles + Phillies and various fictional characters.
– Thanks to the voter who thought I’d make a good judge!
– And you betcha there’s a bunch of racism herein.
See below for the ones that jumped off the list at me upon perusing it. USA. USA. USA. (Unless otherwise indicated, each listing is for a single vote.
District Attorney (Dem.)
Derek Jeter
Elmo
Gritty
Mumia
Porky Pig
District Attorney (Rep.)
Larry Fine
Fuck Krasner
Fuck You Commies
Hateful Intolerance
Jalen Hurts
Not Fairy Krasner
Biggie Smalls
Trea Turner
Controller (Dem.)
Free Palestine 7
Gritty 7
Bryce Harper 2
Ceasefire 2
Howie Roseman 2
Jalen Hurts 2
Phillie Phanatic 2
A Non-Party Person As Opposed to a Party Hack and Nepo Baby
Al Horford
Ball Torture
Ballz
Brandon Graham
Butt
Charlie Day
Claude Giroux
Deez Nuts
Don’t Know If I Can Feed It Anymore
Fund Septa
Gaza
Haywood Jablome
Justice Butterscotch
My Cat
Penis
Ranger Suarez
Tax The Rich
Controller (Rep.)
Q Tip
Fuck Ukraine
Impeach Trump
More White Basketball Players
Tom Brady
Superior Court (Dem.)
Gritty 7
Free Palestine 6
Kyle Schwarber 3
Jalen Hurts 3
Taylor Swift 2
Nick Foles 2
Brian Dawkins
Brian Hickey (THANKS!)
Steve Jeltz
Butt
Luigi Mangione
Deny
Dick Gizinya
Moo Moo
My Cat
Free Mumia
Gandalf
Gaza
Giant Lizard
Bahloo Bhalls
Howard Stern
My Cat Stevie
Jayson Werth
Abortion Rights for All
Penis
Poop
Ranger Suarez
The Phanatic
Tomato
Judge Judy
Spongebob
Timmy Tightpants
Al Horford
Superior Court (Rep.)
Can We Have A White OIC?
No Women
Fuck Israel
No Women Judges
Squeeter “Hambone” Jones-Jackson
Larry David
Commonwealth Court (Dem.)
Gritty 7
Free Palestine 4
Jalen Hurts 3
Baba Booey
Bryce Harper
Butt
Penis
Chase Utley
Conor Corcoran
Ballz
Deez Nuts
Defend
Luigi Mangione
My Cat Squish
Farts
Gaza
Tomato
George Carlin
Gritty Two
In My Backyard
Jason Kelce
Nick Foles
Pink Panthress
Judge Judy
Support Gaza
Commonwealth Court (Rep.)
Chicken Nugget
For Poor White People
Free Palestine
Impeach Trump
Common Pleas Court (Dem.)
Free Palestine 3
Thor 2
Spiderman 2
Low Energy Use is God
Spouses Can Live Apart
Road Runner
Marvin the Martian
Kelly Ripa
Kobe
Megatron
Tomato
Moe the Pub Owner
Roblox Inventor
Kodos
Shrek
Stu Gotz
Tata Toothey
The Phillie Phanatic
This is Undemocratic
Yosemite Sam
Fafa Fooey
Hello Kitty
Barnyard Dog
Joel Embiid
I’ve Never Heard of These People
Bob Baby
Boycott Israel
Butt
Joe Flacco
Abey Fletman is a Crook
Chris Mallios is a Cuck
Elmer Fudd
George Carlin
Gritty
Jalen Hurts
Deez Nuts
Dumb as Hell
Depose
Dr. Dave E. Donutz
Common Pleas Court (Rep.)
Elmo 2
Baby
Rick Tocchet
Bryce Harper
Dukes of Hazzard
Cookie Monster
Earl Simmons
Ed the Cat
My Family Not Privileged Never
Pat “The Bat” Burrell
Fuck Democrats
Fucking
GI Joe
Saquon Barkley
Grouch
Honeytree Evil Eye
Hugo the Dog
Big Bird
Jalen Carter
Jalen Hurts
Chase Utley
Jimmy Rollins
Milton Street (RIP)
Princess Peach
Remy the Dog
Ryan Howard
Cody Rhodes
Brandon Graham
We Fought in WWII and Nam
Big Dom
Biff Tannen
Waluigi
Wilaminia the Cat
Bitch
Municipal Court (Dem.)
Gritty 4
Philly 2
Free Palestine 2
Bryce Harper
Butts
Pepe Le Pew
Piccadilly Cat
Dave Chappelle
Swoop
Malcolm X
Do Better Philly
Dumb Way To Elect a Judge
Phanatic
Pope Leo XIV
Elvis Presley
Fire Bob Brady
Still Dumb and Bad
Taylor Swift
Garrett Stubbs
Luigi Mangione
Michael Coard
Anthony Rizzo
Jalen Hurts
Atticus Finch
Ballz
Joe Mama
Ranger Suarez
Saquon Barkley
Scout
Beth Coco
Speedy Gonzalez
KKK
Tomato
West Philly Turkey
Municipal Court (Rep.)
Bryce Harper
Bryson Stott
Hugo the Dog
Is A Nazi
Juniata Joe
Plexiglass
Remy the Dog
Kyle Schwarber
Luigi
Bert and Ernie
We Got Fucked By Rizzo’s Cops A Lot
Zach Wheeler
Judge of Elections (Dem., with ward and division included)
Gritty (08-10) (21-29) (26-09) (31-15) (33-02) (39-30) (46-22)
Free Palestine (29-03) (45-08) (46-16) (59-12)
Jalen Hurts (05-07) (05-13) (15-19)
Ryan Godfrey (46-17) (60-12)
Save Gaza (02-19)
Butt (02-23)
Judge Judy (05-21)
Judge Dredd (05-21)
Penis (08-07)
Gaza (08-13)
Homer Simpson (14-01)
Taylor Swift (14-01)
Phanatic (18-01)
Donald Duck (18-05)
Batman (18-16)
Kyle Schwarber (18-19)
Maani Waldor (22-04)
Lebron James (22-27)
Fuckstick (24-03)
Spongebob Square Pants (26-22)
Joey Thanksgiving (27-09)
Chicago Pope (27-09)
Philly Elmo (31-04)
Lone Ranger (35-07)
Josh Allen (36-26)
Ballz (38-12)
Joel Embiid (46-07)
Al Horford (46-19)
Orange Cassidy (48-17)
Free Mumia (51-12)
Tomato (58-13)
Homer Simpson (59-12)
Bryce Harper (65-03)
Pope Leo XIV (65-14)
Judge of Elections (Rep., with ward and division included)
Nick Sirianni (09-07) (65-16)
JD Vance Fucks Couches (02-03)
Kyle Schwarber (02-27)
Hugo the Dog (21-42)
Mike Tyson (33-07)
Blind Justice (39-10)
Yo Momma (45-22)
Judge Dredd (57-12)
We All Like R Own Kind (65-15)
Inspector (Dem., with ward and division included)
Gritty (02-03) (08-10) (26-09) (31-15) (32-04) (36-37) (38-12) (53-09)
Inspector Gadget (05-21) (08-17) (22-18) (27-15)
Free Palestine (29-03) (45-08) (46-16) (59-21)
Jalen Hurts (05-07) (05-10)
Big Head Todd (01-02)
Joe Mama (01-08)
Spock Son of Sarek (01-16)
Butt (02-23)
Luigi Mangione (05-08)
Devonta Smith (05-13)
Inspector Clouseau (05-21)
Ryan Roat (30 in 05-35)
Penis (08-07)
Gaza (08-13)
Homer Simpson (14-01)
Saquon Barkley (15-19)
Turd Ferguson (18-04)
Allen Iverson (22-26)
F*ggots (24-03)
Nathan Fielder (26-02)
Delco Pooper (27-09)
Charlie Manuel (30-15)
Connor Barwin (31-18)
Italian Stallion (39-31)
Al Horford (46-19)
Foghorn Leghorn (50-12)
Kevin Hart (51-05)
Kyle Schwarber (57-01)
Trea Turner (58-14)
Lisa Simpson (59-12)
Arlen Specter (59-18)
Pope Leo XIV (65-14)
Inspector (Rep., with ward and division included)
A Grain of Salt (02-16)
Zack Wheeler (02-27)
Jon Voight (26-08)
Francisco Lindor (52-06)
Frustrating (56-28)
Inspector Gadget (57-12)
Buttenbush (58-09)
The Republican Has No Names (63-22)
I Not Allowed to Say No to BLA (65-15)