Happy Tiger Day!!!

I don’t know when America became fixated on its current infidelity-as-newsworthy addiction. (Hey, it’s not as if I’ve ever written anything that fits under that umbrella, right? Wrong.) But I was happy it did last night onaccounta the fact that I read the piece on today’s Masters’ tee-r off-r Tiger Woods in Vanity Fair. You know, the one that ironically features a piece on East Falls royalty, Grace Kelly, on the cover.
Anyway, I’d been steering my attention away from the lurid details for the most part — Tiger, not Grace — until now. Just couldn’t resist on Tiger Day!
My first reaction? Yo, these chicks ain’t as homely as I’d first thought.
My second? Ewwwww.
To wit:

Mindy Lawton says she met Woods for one rendezvous at 5:30 in the morning, before he had to leave for a golf tournament. Although she was menstruating, he insisted on having sex with her, but when the key card to access his office didn’t work, he drove to a nearby parking lot, where they had sex in his car.

He shoots. He scores! He shoots. He scores! ...

After they left, Lawton claims, reporters from The National Enquirer, who had been following her, picked up the tampon she had dropped in the parking lot, and later threatened to use it as part of a story exposing Woods’s infidelity.
When the tabloid contacted one of Lawton’s relatives, Lawton texted Tiger in a panic, and he put her in touch with Mark Steinberg. “That’s when their brush-under-the-rug, the cover-up, happened,” Lawton says, referring to a deal that the Enquirer allegedly made with Tiger’s handlers to hold the adultery story in exchange for Woods’s giving an exclusive interview to its sister publication Men’s Fitness.

Straight out of a Harlequin beach read, no? One titled, “Tigerman Spreads His Red Wings.”
Yikes, I just took it too far, didn’t I? Sorry.