Having caught up on previous episodes of Chrisley Knows Best, I’m fairly confident in the strength of this assertion: It’s impossible to top a “Juggs and Ammo” episode in which:
— Prior to daughter Lindsie’s breast-augmentation surgery, Papa Todd walks into the kitchen with a cake made to look like a huge pair of breastuses, areola and all. Post-surgery, there was a tender moment in which Lindsie asked hubby Will whether she’s wearing panties. (She was.)
— Todd and Will haven’t really connected. This section from the show’s website probably explains it …
She stunned her father, Todd with her decision to elope and then five months later surprised him even more with the news that she was expecting her first child.
… so they went to a shooting range in an effort to forge better bonds. This is what Todd wore:
Suffice it to say, this will be difficult to top. Here’s hoping they do!
“Two Men and a Baby”
The mandatory in-house drug testing is a good way to start out the “Two Men and a Baby” episode. Particularly when commandantaddy Todd accompanies youngun Kyle into the facilities and says, “If I have to go in and hold it for him in order to get the sample I need, I’ll do that too.”
It being his son’s pee pee, and the same being pee-pee juice, I’suppose. While they’re in the loo, he comments about the size of said pee pee and questions whether it’s capable of impregnation. Just guy talk.
Todd then takes Savannah, the 16-year-old pageant daughter, for driving lessons. He refers to her as Prada Patty. Dude’s quick with the quips, innit he?
Anyway, eldest son Todd lives with a pair of women. They’re 90- and 70-years-old. He also has a daughter with whom he’s semi-estranged.
Good Lord the Chrisley Estate is just behemoth. And extraordinarily, spotlessly clean. Chase and Grayson are talking about bucket lists. They’re like, 15 and 4 years old.
Here Come The Drugs!
Oh, apparently the older son has done some drug dabbling before. Like, to the tune of a $1 million recovery pricetag, per Todd.
This is why he’s semi-estranged from the daughter. This real-world insight is why this show is really good. Doesn’t feel gimmicky at its heart, like so very many other shows involving “real” people.
As the news is broken that he’ll be able to see his daughter more, the conversation turns to life alterations. Todd notes that he will only go to the strip club once a week now. “And,” retorts Todd, “I’ll go with you.”
This leads me to believe that Toddy’s problem was, with scads of cash at his disposal, ripping lines off strippers asses, backs and breastuses.
Then, voila, here comes the knocking up of a ladyfriend and, VOILA, rehab and living with a 90-year-old dame.
Misc.
Savannah, an “awful driver” in like-aged bro’s estimation, hits a parked car with her car. Cover story: It got hit when it was parked.
And Baby Chloe arrives! Aw. Here’s a cute baby, cute puppy picture:
She being around takes the elder Chrisleys back in time. Life-lesson instilling time: Getting Chloe back is a sign of great things to come, but the harder work lay ahead. Tears are shed.
“My son Kyle has had some difficulties in his life,” says Todd. “For every dark road Kyle’s traveled down, I’ve traveled behind him with a flashlight.”
Right there, that quote sums up why this show isn’t devoid of value. Rather, it’s like The Walton Vers. 2014. And we need that, ‘Merica does.
Wholesome ain’t necessarily a bad thing, people.
Even if the episode closes out with threats about punishment should that whole busted-car story turn into a lie as “kids are natural-born liars.” Because, lo and behold, the Commandant investigated by going to Saxby’s and found out the crash story was a lie. So now, the insurance and repair bill are on the kids. BANG. Parents win again. Fin.