A’ight, buckle down. We in for a good one right here.
Tracy Walton says her man’s a cheap, controlling cheater. She says these things via yelling pure ghetto-ass dancetalking and testifying. I’m having a difficult time understanding what she talking about. I think I heard her just say, “You better be gone because they gon be teddy bears up in here,” but I wouldn’t stake any loot on it, yo.
Now, Neadom, he understood it all. He said it was all a lie. He described himself as an entrepreneur. Tracy starts carrying on saying something like “entrepreneyer.” It rhymed with liar. I think that’s what she was going for.
“I acquire DVDs from an acquaintance of mine,” Neadom then explained. “And it causes me to give my phone number to women.”
Oh, hell yeah. Of course, Tracy starts yelling instantly.
He says he’s not selling bootlegs in an alley at 2 a.m. And that Tracy’s insecure, going through his voicemails and text messages. He changes the code regularly and wonders whether he married Sherlock Holmes’ sister.
I wish I spoke ghetto trash, because the story about a woman texting “When we gonna get up” that Tracy intercepted sounded almost Sleepless-in-Seattle-esque. I’m going to do my best to transcribe it verbatim.
Tracy: “Yes I do, y’anor. When he start cheat I ain’t gone lie I started goin’ through his phone. I mean, we sittin in a car one day text message the phone goin’ off. Now he forgotten he gone left the phone. But he got done it dawn him he ‘got the phone. Left the cigarettes and erthing come running back out the store. Read the text message ‘When we gone get up?’ SO I SAID WHEN YOU AN’ WHO GONE GET UP? DAT’S MY SON. I SAY, Neeeadom, why you lie like that? Somebody text you for your son. Who you think you talkin’ to?”
Judge Lynn: I don’t even understand the text message.
Tracy: Where we gone get up? Where we gone get up ya’onah mean when we gone get up, me an’ you when you get riddah your wife.
Neadom: Your honor. I called this particular person back up, your honor, and asked, ‘Why would you leave a text on my phone like that?’ She said ‘that was you that I text?’ I said, ‘You got my wife goin’ crazy, she tripping about this message you left on my phone.”
Tracy: So her fingertips just pressed ‘When we gone get uppp?’
Neadom: She told me she dialed the wrong number and apologized to the fullest.
Tracy: She didn’t apologize to me your honor!
Neadom: She said put your wife on. Let me explain to your wife it was the wrong phone number!
Oh, Tracy’s 45. She has a 30 year old daughter. Neadom says she dresses too young for her age. Tracy admits that “sometimes” she goes out in the hoochie-mama outfits. Neadom shares her Lil Kim wig with the audience. And the Chaka Khan wig. And the Miss Beyonce wig. Neadom, who is a sex addict who tells her to “take her panties off” (typing doesn’t do Tracy’s delivery justice, puts all these wigs on for maximum effect).
“I like oral sex, myself, your honor. Oral sex with my wife,” declareth Neadom.
Yeah, that seems like a perfect place to end.