Hey folks. Since there was a recent election, it was only a matter of time before I got my prying little eyes on the write-in votes cast in Philadelphia during it (read: my good friends at the City Commissioner’s Office kindly emailed a spreadsheet over once they had a chance to compile them.
Some ground rules: no write-in votes cast for anybody named Trump, Musk or Ye will be shared here. Screw them and screw the people who enable them. Instead of presenting these in a by-race sense, I’ll break them into categories with tallies from my quick review of countless pages of data. While they may not be dead-on accurate, the final tallies are more than ballpark. With no further ado, away we go!
THE PHILLIES
The timing of the election was fresh after the Phillies exciting run to the World Series. As such, they are very well represented here.
Bryce Harper: 83 total
23 (Senator), 8 (Governor), 4 (2nd district Congress), 15 (3rd district Congress), 4 (2nd district Assembly), 1 (173rd District), 1 (174th), 2 (175th), 1 (177th), 1 (180th), 1 (181st), 3 (185th), 2 (186th), 1 (194th), 3 (195th), 9 (Council at-large one), 4 (Council at-large two)
Rob Thompson: 20 total
1 (US Sen), 2 (Governor), 6 (Congress 3rd District), 1 (8th District Assembly), 2 (170th), 1 (10th District), 1 (192nd) 2 (194th), 1 (195th), 1 (Council at-large one), 3 (Council at-large two),
Rhys Hoskins:
3 (Council at-large one), 1 (Council at-large two)
Bryson Stott
1 (175th), 1 (185th)
Kyle Schwarber
2 (Council at-large two)
Ranger Suarez
1 (Council at-large one)
Jean Segura
1 (Council at-large two)
Phillie Phanatic
2 (Council at-large one), 1 (state Rep. ten), 1 (170th), 1 (175th), 1 (188th), 1 (194th)
Cliff Lee
1 (Council at-large one)
Steve Jeltz
1 (Council at-large two)
Mike Schmidt
1 (state Rep. 10)
Von Hayes
1 (182nd)
Chase Utley
1 (U.S. Congress two), 1 (U.S. Sen.)
Braves Suck
1 (Council at-large two)
THE EAGLES
Go Birds.
Jalen Hurts: 19 total
4 (Council at-large one), 1 (Council at-large two), 2 (Governor), 1 (170th), 2 (180th), 1 (185th), 1 (188th), 1 (194th), 1 (200th), 4 (U.S. Congress 3rd), 1 (U.S. Sen.)
Jason Kelce: 14 total
3 (Council at-large one), 1 (Council at-large two), 2 (Governor), 2 (170th), 1 (U.S. Congress 2nd), 3 (U.S. Congress 3rd), 2 (U.S. Sen.)
Nick Sirianni: 4
1 (Council at-large one), 1 (Governor), 1 (195th), 1 (U.S. Congress 2nd)
Brian Dawkins: 2
1 (185th), 1 (U.S. Congress 3rd)
Swoop: 1 (U.S. Sen.)
Dallas Sucks: 1 (Council at-large one)
Fletcher Cox: 1 (Council at-large two)
Devonta Smith: 1 (Council at-large two)
Dallas Goedert: 1 (U.S. Congress 3rd)
Malcolm Jenkins: 1 (Council at-large two)
Michael Vick: 1 (Council at-large two)
Nick Foles: 1 (202nd)
THE SIXERS
Joel Embiid: 10
2 (Council at-large one), 1 (Governor), 4 (175th), 1 (179th), 1 (U.S. Congress two), 1 (U.S. Congress 3rd)
Tyrese Maxey: 6
1 (Council at-large one), 2 (175th), 1 (U.S. Congress two), 1 (U.S. Congress 3rd), 1 (U.S. Sen.)
Allen Iverson: 1 (179th), 1 (202nd)
GRITTY
48 total
11 (Council at-large one); 3 (Council at-large two); 1 (State Rep. 10); 4 (State Rep. 170); 5 (State Rep. 174); 3 (State Rep. 175); 1 (State Rep. 182); 3 (State Rep. 195); 1 (State Rep. 200); 1 (State Rep. 203); 2 (2nd State senate); 2 (8th State senate); 2 (U.S. Congress 2nd); 8 (U.S. Congress 3rd); 1 (U.S. Senate)
*his buddy Claude Giroux got one vote for U.S. Sen.
HARAMBE
7 total
1 (Council at-large one); 1 (State Rep. 10); 1 (175th); 1 (186th); 1 (U.S. Congress 2nd); 1 (U.S. Congress 3rd); 1 (U.S. Sen.).
MESSI!
1 (Council at-large one)
YA FAVE TRASHMAN, TERRILL HAIGLER
25 (City Council at-large one), 11 (City Council at-large two)
ETC.
THE RETIRING KING OF GNOCCHIS (EAST FALLS EDITION)
Franco Faggi (1, U.S. Congress 3rd)
THE LATE, GREAT T. MILTON STREET SR. — 4
1 (State Rep. 170th); 1 (State Rep. 195th); 1 (U.S. Congress 3rd); 1 (U.S. Sen.)
THE ROTISSERIE CHICKEN GUY — 4
State Rep. 186th (1), State Sen. 8th (1), U.S. Congress 2nd (1), U.S. Congress 3rd (1)
TAYLOR SWIFT — 3
1 (Council at-large one), 1 (Council at-large two), 1 (181st)
VERMIN SUPREME — 8
1 (Council at-large one), 1 (Council at-large two), 1 (181st), 1 (192nd), 1 (203rd), 2 (second senate), 1 (U.S. Congress 2nd)
TAKING A STAND
Reparations: 1 (Council at-large one), 1 (190), 1 (195), 3 (U.S. Sen)
Council at-large one: Vision Zero Yimby, Who Killed Yankel Rosenbum, The People, Your Vote is a Farse, ACAB, Resign Jim Kenney, Mr. Build Better Public Transit
Council at-large two: Waste of Money and Time
Governor: Family Court Reform, Al Schmidt and Bryce Harper
State Rep. 175th: Get Better Candidates, Third Party Rights
State Rep. 179th: Why Are You In Office
181st: I Don’t Care
182nd: That Dummy Ben Waxman
185th: Save FDR Meadows
188th: Burn It Down, I Would Rather Waste This Vote
192nd: More Protected Bike Lanes
195th: Open the Primaries
State Senate 8th: No More Charters
U.S. Congress 2nd: Open Primaries
U.S. Congress 3rd: Open the Primaries
THE SOUTH PHILLY GOP WARD LEADER CAUGHT UP IN A BALLOT-HARVESTING MESS
Aka Billy Lanzilotti:
Council at large (1st): 14
Council at large (2nd): 5
U.S. Senator: 1
U.S. Rep. (3rd): 17
Gen. Assembly (8th): 8
175th: 1
184th: 40
185th: 197
186th: 2
WEAK ATTEMPTS TO “OWN THE LIBS” AND/OR DISGUSTING IGNORANCE
185th: Fuck Joe Biden
192nd: No CRT
195th: Hunter Biden
U.S. Congress 2nd: Hitler, The N****** Did Both, “Peice of Shit Wold Be Beter”
U.S. Congress 3rd: Annoying Kamala Harlot Harris, Liberal Tears, Fuck Biden and Fuck the …, Fuck Joe Biden, No Democrats or Socialists.
U.S. Sen: Crime No Good and Prochoice, Hitler
FAMOUS PEOPLE (NON-FICTIONAL)
Council at-large one: Lefraud James, Ric Flair, Danny Devito
Council at-large two: Karl Marx, Vladimir Putin (2), Ben Franklin, Jim Carrey, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (close to 10 other entries as well), Vladimir Lenin.
Governor: Meek Mill, Mike Tyson (2), Frederick Douglass, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Liz Cheney
State Rep. 10: Karl Marx, Thomas Jefferson
State Rep. 170: Meek Mill (2), Randy Savage, Howard Stern, Patti Labelle, Kurt Cobain
State Rep. 173: Mother Teresa
State Rep. 175: Meek Mill
State Rep. 188: Mao Zedong, George Washington, Leon Trotsky.
State Rep. 190: Rob McElhenney
State Rep. 192: Cicero, Jeffrey Dahmer
State Rep. 194: Jeffrey Epstein
2nd Senate: Tina Turner, Mike Tyson
U.S. Congress 3rd: Thomas Jefferson, Howard Stern, Joe Rogan, 21 Savage, Job Bluth, Punky Brewster, Lil Dicky, The Grinch, Chewbacca, Spongebob, Homer Simpson, Kyrie Irving, Capt. John Walker, Huey P. Newton, Tom Cruise
U.S. Sen.: Mumia, Mike Tyson, Oprah Winfrey, Abraham Lincoln, Malcolm X.
FAMOUS PEOPLE (FICTIONAL)
Nemo (Council at-large one), Percy the Small Engine (Governor), Rocky Balboa (State Rep. 10 along with a handful of other entries), Mr. Magoo (2, State Rep. 170), Cat Dog (State Rep. 170), Popeye the Sailor Man (State Rep. 170), Elmo (State Rep. 170), Peppa Pig (173rd), Mister Potato Head (174th), Grogu (174th), Kodos (175th), Indiana Jones (175th), Spongebob (181st), Gumby (181st), Shrek (188), Batman (192), Scooby Doo (203), Mayor McCheese (2nd Senate), Pop N Fresh (2nd Senate), Hello Kitty (2nd Senate), Chewbacca (3rd), Spongebob (3rd), Homer Simpson (3rd), Scooby Doo , Thomas The Tank Engine.
WEIRD ENOUGH TO WARRANT MENTION
Head of Cabbage (186th)
Jennifer Jordan (complete with home address) (188th)
Carrot Cake Man (2, 188th)
Random Stray Dog (194)
Detective John Munch the Cat (194)
Dead Person (203)
A Turnip, A Dead Dog, Dead Person (2nd Senate)
Unicorn (8th Senate)
Random Stray Cat, Wacky Inflatable Arm Flailing, John Ryan Douchebag McElvey (U.S. Congress 3rd)
Yo Mama, My Mans and Them, Big Chungus Sneed (U.S. Sen.)
THE OLD STANDARDS
Council at-large one: Karl Marx (2), Judge Dredd, Mumia (2), Vladimir Putin, Nemo
Council at-large two: Mumia (2)
State Rep. 10: Baba Booey
Multiple races: The Most High God, Jesus.
THE NAUGHTY STANDARDS
Council 1: Mike Hunt, Bozo the Motherfucking Clown
State Rep. 170: Whoever Aborts More Babies, Deez Nuts
State Rep. 175: Deez Nuts
State Rep. 185: Ball Licker
State Rep. 186: Bofa Deez
State Rep. 188: Pee Nis
State Rep. 195: Not this Bitch
2nd Senate: Ben Dover
8th Senate: Deez Nuts
U.S. Congress 3rd: Ligma
RANDOM LOCALS, MANY OF WHOM ARE ON TWITTER (NOT DELINEATING THESE BY RACE, BUT CONGRATS TO ALL!)
Lauren Vidas, Dena Driscoll, Joe Cox, Jen Devor, R Bradley Maule, Jon Geeting, Lauren Rinaldi, Mindy Isser, Job Itzkowitz, Larry West, James Gitto, Amanda McIllmurray, Asa Khalif, Rue Landau, Richard Jay Sax, James Gitto, Jen Devor, Eryn Santamoor, Erika Almiron, Mike Doyle, Solomon Jones, Sonny Hill, Fran Dunphy, Joshua Albert.