Ulanda Ahlers vs. Joseph Ahlers

Picture 2 Picture 1 Oh hell, these two look like a handful of mayhem. Here’s what Joseph Ahlers says about Ulanda: she’s controlling, bossy, “out of her mind.” She’s covered him with hot gravy out of anger, not funplay.

Like the night she flipped out when he waited to long to take out the trash so she grabbed his glasses and ran off, trying break them. Or the time she hid his car keys because she didn’t want him to go to work, preferring he stayed home to watch the kids. This, Ulanda says, is because he cheats on her while at work and watches movies with his mammy. She starts fights in his grandmother’s basement. She tripped over a hamper while pregnant and blamed him of abuse.

“No, we was in a argument cause he got his paycheck and he didn’t wanna give me no money. What’m I gone do with no money in Grant Island, Nebraska,” she said. Or something like that. Gap-toofed freak isn’t all that easy to understand.

Fine, Joseph left Ulanda at the hospital when she was pregnant. “So we wouldn’t fight anymore,” he ‘splains, before recounting the time she chased him down his street with a knife.

“I’m a tard black woman. This guy is lying to me, tryin’ fraud me, sayin he gone stand by your side. And every time we get in an argument, what he do? Call his mama. Like a little boy,” Mrs. Tard maintains.

Judge Lynn calls Ulanda out on an “angry sista syndrome” diagnoses. Few minutes later, freak starts crying about her daddy issues. She don’t deserve the $399.79 she asking fo’ in utility-bill recompense on accounta some cheatin’ under the “just a friend” ruse.

“I’ve been a husband and a wife,” Ulanda says,

Sounds about right. I see a hint of an adam’s apple.

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