10. Filming commences posthaste on the new reality series, “Lady Joggers of Kelly Drive.” They incorporate 3-D slo-mo technology and pay me royalties of both a financial and prurient nature.
9. The USA team wins at least three games, and ties another, in the World Cup. In no particular order.
8. One winning Powerball ticket which, in turn, enables me to buy a private jet and hangar at McCarran International, at which a stretch limo awaits to whisk me off to my suite floor at the Wynn.
7. Chris Christie sheds his shield of arrogance and learns a little bit about humility and compromise, so I can actually move back to New Jersey one day instead of spurning it as the land that elects people who can’t even take care of themselves physically.
6. Sanity returns to the country and world, both politically and interpersonally.
5. I’m the guy who figures out how to save journalism.
4. Celine Dion stops singing, forever and ever, Amen.
3. A Flyers Stanley Cup win, followed by a Cubs World Series win, followed by an Eagles Super Bowl win (Yes, I’ve abandoned the Broncos until both McDaniels and Tebow are gone from orange-and-blue land).
2. To live in a world where lowlives who hit people with their cars stop leaving their victims dying in the streets.
1. That my soon-to-be-born son grows up to be better than me at everything I’ve ever done or dreamed of doing.