Phyllis Morgentaler vs. Morris Morgentaler

Untitled Untitled2 Morris Morgentaler says his wife Phyllis is an annoying nag. She very well may be. But is that any reason to keep a bike horn handy so when she starts talking, you can shut her up with some honking?

“This has saved my life. When she screams in my ear once to often it’s …” Enter honking. “That generally shuts her up.”

Yeah. That’s how Morris — who looks central-casting for a Mel Brooks movie schmuck — rolls.

Backseat driver. Computer chaperone. Thinks the FBI reads all Morris’ emails. To which she says, “He doesn’t realize there’s scams out there. Not everything on the computer is good.”

So yeah, right out the gate, it seems he’s right. She’s annoying by the second sentence she speaks.

Sometimes, he says, she comes and sits on his lap. But not in a seductive way. At least not after a couple minutes. Because that’s when she breaks out tweezers to pluck his nose hair.

Her complaint: Morris ignores her. And that Morris threw an antique ring “he threw in the bushes 31 years ago.” That Morris watches sports and does crossword puzzles. And that Morris wakes her up to make the sexy time two or three times a night.

In the pro column, she looks good for 52. The incessant-nagging vibe just can’t be overlooked, though.

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