Marie Nuzzi vs. Anthony Nuzzi

Mr. Nuzzi

Mr. Nuzzi


Mrs. Fingernails-on-Chalkboard

Mrs. Fingernails-on-Chalkboard

Well that didn’t take long at all. One day, Kevin Smith gets thrown off a plane because Southwest Air thinks-but-privately-denies he was too fat to fly. The next, Marie Nosy, er, I mean Nuzzi thinks the seatbelts in the car are pulled so loose that she thinks Anthony was cheating on her. That, and her mouthy disapproval of his taking Viagara (“It’s a little boost-a. Like vitamins. I take it an hour before I come home.”) without alerting her that he was doing so. In fact, he says he’s willing to get all lie-detector on her ass since he wants to salvage the near-decade-long marriage while Marie doesn’t want to do so. She’s seeking $569.99 in damages for an air conditioner that’s somehow involved in her father dying. Yeah, that type.
“I want to prove to the world,” Ant sez, “that there are good faithful men out there.”
Noble goal. But, back to the seatbelts:
He says: “She thinks I’m tying a woman down and having sex in the car.”
She says: “You ain’t tyin’ her down. You ain’t tyin’ her down. She’s on top of your fat … bod-ay … roll-unn.” At which points she does some sort of Cabbage Patch/washed-up stripper pantomimes of a bod-ay roll-unn.
What a mouthy, irritating trollop. She even delves into how the car smells, and how she suspects Anthony cleans himself with bleach. That’s just something I really don’t want to think about. But if I do think about it, I conclude that it’s logical for anybody who comes in contact with Mrs. Nuzzi to douse every last square inch of their skin with bleach, Drain-O or the insides of a Roach Motel.
Oh, that lie detector? Yeah, Anthony Nuzzi was deceptive on all counts. This could hurt America worse than Camelot’s end.

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