Malcolm Garland vs Josalyn Garland

Sugadaddy

Sugadaddy


Greed incarnate

Greed incarnate

Maybe I’m just a sicko, but I’d like to exhume Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton, sit them right here on my recliner with me and make them watch Divorce Court. This is because I want them to see what’s become of the women’s rights they dedicated their lives to procuring. Because I want them to explain how something like Josalyn Garland happens.
Lemme break it on down even further: She married older-man self-admitted sugar-daddy Malcolm Garland solely for the monetary verbal agreement in which he would “take care of me financially,” recession be damned.
“Your honor, the circumstances is, she really don’t care about me,” says Malcolm, who I think I saw in either Beetlejuice or the Star Wars cantina scene. Explaining how push came to shove marriagewise, he continued that, “You know how it is in Vegas. Things just happen. Know what I’m saying?”
Aw yeah, Malcolm, we know whatchutalkinbout.
So, this greedy bitch (GB) without the foresight to go with clear braces or order whatever that skin creme that Katy Perry’s hawking is 26.
“He’s probably about 45,” says GB.
“You don’t know how old he is?” asks JT (Judge Toler).
“No, because he been telling me he was 36, 39, he never told me the truth about his age,” retorts GB.
“Are you kidding me, bro? You’re that much of a pussy that you’re shaving years off your age, and you’re a guy?” thought Me.
“Tell me the truth about your age, Mr. Garland. How old are ya?” chimes in JT.
“Ma’am, does age really matter at this point,” asks MG.
“Yes it doesss. Yes it doesss,” says JT. “I’m trying to determine credibility. So far, I got one lie over here (referring to GB) and I wanna know how old you are.”
“I’m 39. I am,” says a guy who so clearly isn’t 39 this just turned into the Two Villains Show.
From there, JT notes that she’s already seen his drivers license and that he’s 49 going on 50 this year.
“In fact,” JT says, “you gonna be 50 in a couple days.”
“But I don’t look I’m 50, ok?” MG says.
So anyway, she says she started hitting other men up for money once Malcolm cut her off. And she works at a club promoting things like lapdances and other “club events.” Apparently, he didn’t know she was a stripper when they met. She brought lapdance coupons home one night, and says she fell out of love when Malcolm did not keep to his Sugar Daddy Word. The on-screen graphic reads, “Josalyn Garland says she’s all about sex, money, dollars and cash.” So is the skank in all of us, Josaslut.
Ok, my soul is getting pissed off at me so I’m’a going to wrap this up now:
To Malcolm, Godspeed. Lookin’ like you’ll need it right quick.
And to Josalyn: You are the personification of why women only make 75 cents to a man’s dolla-dolla-bill. The men of America thank you for that.

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