Kelley Johnson vs. Michael Johnson

Snapshot 2011-01-10 22-15-04 Snapshot 2011-01-10 22-15-38 Check this one out, fellas: Michael Johnson doesn’t like to work, so he doesn’t, but Kelley Johnson takes issue with that. Pebble-toothed bitch. First, they get the right to vote and drive. Then, they expect their husband to provide for a family? C’mon.

I mean, Michael is one handsome cat. He shouldn’t have to suffer through such slights. Besides, he said he did work. Watching the kids. And, doing something or other through a temp service. “She’s a drama queen,” he says, noting that she kicked the stereo out onto the front lawn and beat it with a baseball bat. She explains this by saying something to the effect of, “I wanted to do that to a person, but didn’t, so gold star for me.”

Oh, she’s wearing something that resembles a moomoo and he looks like some sort of funhouse-mirror cartoon character.

“He got blacklisted from temporary agency after temporary agency,” she says.

Not so. It was only one, sayeth Michael, who blamed her for his walking off a job which she blamed on her being allergic to “adhesive.” I find that oddly interesting. Like, does she break into fucking hives if she’s around scotch-tape? Wheezing around duct tape? Alas, it cut to commercial before these issues could be delved into. If any readers have adhesive allergies, please, I implore you, drop me an email.

Oh, Kelley went to some sort of temper program. “I came to recognize my triggers,” she says, adding that she spit in someone’s face. Maybe Michael’s daughter. She said it was “projection of my feelings for him.” He also caught her cheating on him because she came home with a perm one time without money to afford perming. She got it from “some guy who hung around the house.”

“I was seeking other means of womanly satisfaction,” she explains.

Yo, this chick’s fucking trailer trouble. And this guy, well, he’s just standing there like a fucking dope. I can’t even take his side in this mess. I’m done with the both of them.

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