The Ghost Philanderer
You know what would’ve made this Good Friday episode of Divorce Court a Best Friday episode? If Darin Durden ran around chasing ghosts to cheat on Jennaphr with as opposed to grabbing at living females who are also interested in ghost hunting.
Darren, he’s got a pocker (not poker, pock-er) face. He started some sort group that sounded like San Angelo Paranormal Studies
and “she just thinks it’s silly … We go out to people’s homes where they claim to be haunted and we’ll try to pretty much disprove what they’re claiming before we claim it paranormal. … We’re able to figure it out 80 percent of the time. Twenty percent of the time, I’m left scratching my head. She will not have anything to do with it. She thinks it’s a waste of time.”
Then, Judge Lynn drops an Ectoplasm machine reference. Bad. Ass. Yo.
Jennipher, she’s got a ten-year-post-pole face. And like most strippers — not sayin’ she was one, just that she fits the central-casting vibe well — she’s pretty much MENSAN with this take on his not-bein-fraid-of-no-ghost scam. Sayeth she, “I just don’t think it’s appropriate for a grown married man to go out at night with women.”
“Your honor, you have to understand,” replied Darin, “most of the women in my group are like 50 years old.”
“It doesn’t matter how fat, old and ugly they are. It’s just not appropriate. It’s not,” retorted Jennipher.
“Mr. Durden, 50 is not old,” interjects Judge Lynn.
“I know it’s not,” says Darren. “It’s strictly business.”
Then he gets into how he wanted to be a cop. But that he and she got into a big fight with exchanged words so Jennipher called the po-po. Which got him kicked out of the police academy (now, he’s driving trucks and taking out cash advances everywhere Large Marge takes him).
Allow me to recap: There’s a pock-faced dude out there who chases ghosts and wanted to be a cop but has anger management issues including throwing things around the house. J. Edgar Hoover would NOT stand for that shit, yo.
And neither should Jennipher.
Here’s what I’m thinking Darin should do: Go find the ghosts of Perfect Gentlemen Past and ask them for advice. I suspect their first piece would be “Shave that fucking half-assed Fu Manchu which you probably call a Flavor Saver when you’re out in dark places with 50-year-old broads.”