Georgia Carney vs. Dana Carney

Snapshot 2010-10-20 17-51-26 Snapshot 2010-10-20 17-52-06 This guy Dana Carney needs a good swift kick to the balls. He’s hooked on eBay. He spent $500 on a jacket once owned by Chris Farley. And he tells his wife of 25 years, Georgia, who was probably smokin’ in days of old in that trashy Dina Lohan way, that he’s going to get remarried in it.

“This is a 12-year-old man in a 44-year-old’s body,” says Georgia, by way of introducing the jacket of Farley — or as she says it Faaaahlee.

Dude’s straight off the Gisland. And he’s doing that midlife crisisin’, methinks. They got married at 18. They have four grandkids. He had to knock her up before he took off his varsity letterman coat.

Fun fact: He has an autographed machete under the bed. It’s signed by the actor who played Jason in Friday the 13th. This is the point that makes me shift sides, albeit temporarily. Trollop ain’t got NO right to bitch about a signed machete. Fuck, she doesn’t have grounds to complain about an UNSIGNED machete.

Anyway, his eBay spending made them late on the rent. They got four grandkids. She buys them, “books and these educational things, boring. I get them toys. I get them stuff they like. Slip and Slides. I want them to be kids. She wants them to be eggheads.

Allow me to mention he’s 44 and has four grandchildren again.

Dude’s really jowly, too. But he’s a sharp wit. F’real.

I think Georgia self tans. There’s a really hot chick behind her in the audience, too, so that may be why she got a time-out. “I don’t even know what hair color she is today,” Jowly Dana declares.

“I go to a convention, and I met Henry Winkler and paid $30 for an autograph from him, and she’s acting like I burned the house down,” he continues.

WHAT KIND OF FUCKING CONVENTION DOES HENRY WINKLER GO TO AND CHARGE PEOPLE THIRTY BUCKS TO SIGN PRESUMABLY A FONZ PICTURE? Question #2: Did he sign it, “Ayyyyyyyyyyyy Dana. XOXO, Henry!”?

He says she changed into a snob after being a “rock n roll girl.” I’m vibin’ wit dat. Like I said earlier, she has traces of younghot and if dude’s got four grandkids and says, “with eBay, Christmas is everyday”? What the fuck, Carneys? Get yo shit straight.

“Hello, no sex!” Georgia says when asked what the problem is.

Dana — who sounds like a Bostonbag now — retorts that he don’t want to wake the grandkids up.

Now it’s just getting freaky. Ayyyyyyyyyy.

1 comment for “Georgia Carney vs. Dana Carney

  1. Steven
    August 17, 2011 at 01:41

    You are so funny. I work at the same job with this guy. He is a paid actor as well as his wife. The were paid to do this. The show is a fake! They pay people to act! How stupid can you people be. Every (even Judy) court show is fake! Every one! I’ve watched 8 of them in person.

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