Divorce Court: Samantha Mazzuca vs. George DiCiurcio

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Picture 2 Picture 3 Oh, I can tell from the get-go that this is gon’ be a good “Before the Vows” episode of Divorce Court, one that you could even mute and enjoy.

Samantha, it seems, works “from 9 in the morning till 1 in the morning” while George don’t do much of anything. Oh, Samantha’s pretty hot, too.

So there’s that.

She talks about how everything was “good and dandy” and “fireworks” but then things went awry. She also shoots a sultry dirty look if such a thing is possible. This is right before he talks about how he used to think about her a bunch but now she’s all “too controlling.”

Dude. Whatever. I don’t care if you two are on here acting n’shit. You gotta give that lady some room, yo, particularly because she’s the earner.

She talks about having three jobs; he talks about the economy being rough.

She talks about how they don’t live together anymore; he does some goofy-eyed shit about her wanting him to pay rent.

Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah.

Zone in on how she makes a spray tan work, even with the thick North Jersey and/or Strong Island accent.

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See if she’s on Twitter and/or Facebook. Annnnnnnd that’s when it becomes clear that Samantha was a Bud Light Fantasy Mansion girl of some sort. Sponsored by McFadden’s.

OH HELL THEY’RE FROM SOUTH FUCKIN’ PHILLY!!!!

Then they get to talking about how she punches through windows and throw vases. Oh, Samantha just got a little hotter, too.

So there’s that.

SAMANTHA MAZZUCA, IF YOU SEE THIS: GO BEAT THE PISS OUT OF SIDNEY CROSBY!

Now I gotta sit back and think about whether I’ve ever seen Ms. Mazzuca vending beers at the ballpark McFadden’s. Bet I have.

Good luck, kids. You’re Philly, so I got your back, even if Judge Lynn gonna go and end the episode with that whole “romance without finance is a nuisance” jawn.

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