Divorce Court: Jennifer Whiting vs. Brandon “Monkey Boy” Richart

Picture 1 Picture 2 What kind of disrespectful mongrel doesn’t turn his cell phone off before an appearance before Judge Lynn on Divorce Court? The kind named Brandon Richart (pronounced like Alan says “ritard” in The Hangover”), who apparently likes “twisting his nipple hair into dreadlocks” in front of her family, something he deems a necessity because “I need to show off my body.”

Whiting wants a grand back for some bail she put up for her man who is “completely childish, I don’t even think there’s an age for how he acts.” She says he started acting like a kid the minute she got knocked up.

“I wasn’t ready to settle down. I was having a good time,” this mope says when his lady says he took off for a week upon learning they were a’breeding.

Nice.

“People call him ‘Monkey Boy’ and then he starts acting like a monkey, jumping up and down, running all over the place like he’s a monkey. And he’s supposed to be the father of our two-year-old child?” says Jennifer, who looks like a droopier-eyed heftier Katy Perry in a weird kind of way. “I feel like I was tricked by his behavior at first and then I was pregnant all of a sudden.”

Fuckin’ Monkey Boy! That so rules. I’ll bet Monkey Boy’s a BLAST to hang out with. I’ll bet you can get Monkey Boy to do all sorts of shit once you get him addled up on a couple shots of Rumple Minze. I’ll bet Monkey Boy photobombs like a mofo. I mean, DUDE HID IN A SWAMP TO DUCK THE POLICE ONE TIME!

Monkey Boy don’t like it when she puts restraining orders on his friends and calls the police on him and his mom. Jennifer should embrace the magic that is Monkey Boy ‘steada being all naggy and whatnot.

Sure, it’s not beneficial to have the father of your child running around acting like a monkey, and name checking Snooki at the New Year’s Eve apple drop, and really seems to have difficulty speaking in a smoove-mumble accent, but seems to me that that’s a ripe opportunity to break out the betacam and git some America’s Funniest Home Videos action.

It’s not like he’s one of them adult babies or anything.

Leave a Reply