Oh, I like these two and the open’n credits ain’t even over yet. Anthony — YO! — he one cool cat, yo. A-Dawg can’t even open his eyes opener than when people be high n’shit.
A-Dawg talkin’ about how Christina “don’t do what she need to do to keep satisfied as the man I am of tha house, you know, it’s crazy, she’s irresponsible. When I’m tryin’ to get me some, you know, I look like a good lookin’ guy right now, you know …” then it gets unintelligible for a spell … “lookin’ real good, you know, clean, you know, women want me, so I’m tryin’ to git some wit her. Can we do dis? Try to make love, know what I’m sayin’? She pushin’ me off, like, want, she don’t want this and that?”
A-Dawg then notes that she be comin’ to him wanting to get her nails and hair done and whatnot but Christina’s all like, “The money is mine. I should be able to spend it like I want to.”
She has a job. He laughs. Even though he on unemployment. See what I mean: Anthony Wade is the MACK.
“How can she make sure the bills is paid if I’m the one payin’ em?” he asks.
This is a solid question.
But then Christina’s all like Anthony’s a cheater and he didn’t congratulate her when she got some sort of degree for billing and coding or something. Her friend Teresa Marshall all gets like Anthony is a “debilitating man” who wants to keep Christina “stagnating.” He gets timeout right quick n’shit.
When she told him to get a divorce if he don’t like it, he said he “don’t feel like training a new one.” A DAWGGGGG IS UP IN THIS SHIT, YO!!!
Then Judge Lynn’s all like A Dawg “showed up a fool in here.” This leads me to question Judge Lynn’s credibility. A Dawg is the shit.
“Right now I don’t work, but I have been working before, your honor,” A-Dawg says. “I needed a little break. I been doin’ so hard.”
He had a job six months ago, yo. The fuck they all judging him fo? This economy messin’ all SORTS of shit up. But then check this, what Christina be sayin’.
“Who wants to sleep with someone who smells like alcohol, bootie and weed?”
And then A-Dawg jus’ put his hand on his hip all proud. Like A-Dawg SHOULD be. This Teresa she keep piping in with all this A-Dawg ain’t no good type of repertoire.
“How you ‘pect me to give you sumfin better if you sittin’ here half-cookin’ food, overcookin’ food?”
At this point Christina lets out oneadem “oooooooh’s” and Teresa all like how A-Dawg talkin’ about overcookin’ food but “that plate come back empty eerrrrry timmmmmme.” A-Dawg just laffin’.
“I am not the devil,” says A-Dawg, who denies talkin’ down to people in the house but they don’t be listening to him.
And then Christina pawned one of Anthony’s good cameras for, like, $75 when it was worf $1K and she says it was all to pay for rent and that A-Dawg want that money for his side piece but then A-Dawg all like I ain’t got nothing on the side and then Judge Lynn all like Joe the Bailiff go stand next to A-Dawg because he ain’t got nothing left to say for the rest of the show and that Christina is a beautiful and strong woman who she hopes ain’t been “whittled away” by all that A-Dawg put her through but that A-Dawg is nothin’ but unaccomplished and unkind and unworthy and unmanlike and is a man so incapable of making his own way that the only thing he do to make himself feel better is to pick apart the people who he closest to and that A-Dawg a sad excuse for a human being and a man and Judge Lynn is all judging him and shit but ain’t payin’ his pimpitudinal spirit ANY DAMN RESPEC’ ALL HAIL A-DAWG A-DAWG PIMP A-DAWG WHATWHAT.
And then she don’t even done give A-Dawg money for the camera she pawned. Fuck. That. Yo.