David and Nadica. Natalie and Zakk. These are the first-keeper relationships on this season of Dating Naked.
Nadica says she’s here to stay. She won’t do so.
— Whipclip (@whipclip) July 7, 2016
But Zakk will. This is the problem with catching up with episodes in reverse chronological order (thankfully, after this one, I’ll be entirely up-to-speed). Considering that — and how this episode’s already weeks old and, thus, known to people inclined to read about it now — I’ll just pick a couple highlights:
David’s first date, Vanessa, is so totally scared to be naked. “I should’ve gotten a boob job,” she says, noting that she’s from Wisconsin and likes to drink vodka cranberries. They go swimming naked with turtles, even though she’s “scared of fish.”
Natalie’s first date is Willie. He’s a Leo, per the tattoo on his chest.
Zakk’s still writing songs for Natalie when she’s out with other naked dudes.
They dance for one another for their date. He says he’s never cheated on anybody. I think he ends up admitting he actually hooked up with Nadica by the time the episode’s over. Zakk tells Natalie that Willie hit him up for a condom when she wasn’t looking/listening/paying attention.
It becomes the Nadica show, though, because she goes entirely off the rails and storms off into the clothed world far, far away from Bora Bora. Now, she’s selling personalized video messages online.
Oh, Nicole’s the second date for David: She’ll end up being the keeper. She admits within a minute of her TV introduction that she’s looked at his penis 20 times.
Some weird 80s-centralcasting-bro named Tim is Natalie’s second date.
Tim has the highest nipples I've ever seen in my life. He doesn't even look like a real person. #DatingNaked
— § Galawasp (@JasleeneJ) July 9, 2016
He’s from Vegas and brought sandals as a gift. He talks about looking like Bieber or Aaron Carter or someone like that. He’s talking about fighting bears that probably don’t exist on Bora Bora. He won’t be around next week.
And that’s about that.