Oh man, I knew I done seen these two the minute Michael Warren pimped his way up into Judge Lynn’s courtroom. To say he smoove is an understatement, so let’s get to statin’ and overstatin’.
It was last April when I first learned that Michael is the “Mesmerizer.”
And that all it takes to mesmerize is to, in wifey’s words, pick up 600-pound chicks at a diabetic clinic. That’s a solid, solid name and a solid, solid approach.
But here he is, in Divorce Court, wit wife Darlene Doughty being all judgey and threateney about how she gonna be up behind bars if she finds out the Mesmerizer is cheatin.
Mesmerizer chose a yellow dress shirt today. He’s axsing for the $200 that Darlene stole out his wallet.
Apparently, when they went home knowing full well that the Judge wanted them to work this bidness out, it took three months for the Mesmerizer to become “Houdini” and just disappear. Darlene be pissed that he walking around holding hands with a whispering white girl all the time.
“I’m not sleeping with nobody,” the Mesmerizer responds to that, though. Side note: the Mesmerizer has a pencil-thin mustache.
This one’s hard to keep up with. Mesmerizer be going to Mexico and stuff and when Mesmerizette called the room “after a hard day at work,” he was just socializing. He then asks if she has a videotape to back up her allegations. She didn’t. And Mesmerizer knows this.
“I found rubbers on him! In his pocket! Said his friend at the beauty shop gave em to him,” Darlene says.
It then gets into a discussion about whether Mesmerizer should be accepting rubbers from a friend in the first place. I’m still mulling that one, but it’s safe to assume I’ll ultimately rule in Mesmerizer’s favor. He’s mesmerizing, y’know?
Anyway, Mesmerizer says his wife’s abusive. And Mesmerizer’s wife cops to cheating on the Mesmerizer, which makes her peace-sign jewelry ironic, especially when you factor in the multi-gender aspect of said cheating.
This is a man who says he slept on the couch when he was at another woman’s house.
This is a man who should be in line for some Nobel Prize attention.
Darlene don’t see this, though. Darlene’s a hater. Guess that’s what happens when you get caught redhanded with your, oh Lord, I ain’t going down that cookie-jar analogy road.
“He always want to ‘ccuse me of somethin, well so I say I’m’a go try and see, nah m’sayin, so he always cheatin’ on me so I’m gone cheat on him too,” sayeth Darlene. “But it didn’t feel good afterwards, so …”
“So you cheated on me,” sayeth the Mesmerizer.
“So now you know,” Darlene responds, sadly. Which made me sad. I don’t like to see this kind of stuff happenin to the Mesmerizer and a woman who still loves the Mesmerizer. “What really make me do’t is he go in my purse. You hear me? Don’t know why he went in my purse. Took all my stuff out. All my numbers. He done call erbody in that book. Ya hear me? What’chu looking for me for? You don’t control me.”
He admits it. Because he wanted to call people to find her because he was concerned. But, he didn’t find her.
Well, I kind of have no choice to jump off the Mesmerizer’s bandwagon after hearing that he pushed Darlene in the midst of heated battle. “I was frustrated … but I apologized several times,” says the Mesmerizer while Mrs. Mesmerizer just keeps talking over him.
Can’t we all just get along? It’s time to quash the white-girl hate, and if it takes the 52-year-old Mesmerizer to do it, you go Michael Warren.