Bridezillas: Danielle and Tricia

Picture 4 Picture 5 Hey remember Tricia from last week? Yeah, she’s back on and she’s talking about dildos in the preview of the show, even before the opening credits. This is the mark of a good society.

Anyway, Danielle‘s a former soldier and full-time student from Illinois. Her manpiece is named Will. He’s in the Navy and always thought she was too skinny for him when she was younger. By putting weight on, Danielle became attractive.

“The fact of the matter is I love her, but I don’t like her,” sayeth Sailor Will.

That’s some healthy relationship kind of stuff right there. So is how Will felt under pressure, by Danielle, to propose in the first place.

She has complaints about her bridesmaids. She has a whistle to make them exercise, and a scale and paddle to point out what areas on their bodies that she thinks they should lose weight. You know, just to drive that point home. Totally dig the bridesmaid who says she’s not even going to try to do what bridey wants.

She says she gets what she wants when she wants it, and is averse to compromise.

She’s yet another example of why these women on this show are the dregs of society. There should be a Megan’s List registry for people like this.

The cops get involved when some bridesmaids leave Danielle’s car, speeding away in a fashion that arose some suspicion of grand theft auto. Danielle’s reaction: This better not mess with my wedding, because it’s already ruining it. Their reaction: Click.

So, we’re back to that pig Tricia, from whom drywaller Jesse should fucking run as fast as humanly and/or mechanically possible. She holds court for the cameras about how strippers better not get anywhere near Jesse at his bachelor party. The commercial showed her totally fucking around at hers, though, thus affirming the thought that Tricia is filthy white trash.

Ashley’s her maid of honor. She seems alright, but for standing up for this girl who says that “I’m going to beat your little bitch ass” for jokingly locking her out of the house. Fucking moron even uses the phrase “excuse you,” and pushes her friend, saying, “what are you gonna do? what are you gonna do?”

This roomy skank makes the rest of humanity look better. Even African dictators. Hell, even Danielle who, despite wanting a wedding in a castle, has a friend of her mom’s making the bouquets fa free. Her wedding dress has a lot of red in it. Oh, and she complains about the bouquet that her mom’s friend made fa free. “I want a new bouquet,” she said. “This is ugly. Would you walk down the aisle with this in your dress?! I’m the bride. My opinion counts. I want everything perfect. I need everything the way I want it to be. I’m’a choke the daylights out of her.”

Danielle’s still bitching and moaning about the bouquet. To the point that she’s breaking things in the house. Then, a burned veil almost starts a fistfight between bride’s mom and a friend three days before the nuptials.

There’s problems with Will’s tuxedo, but who cares; Tricia‘s back on the screen.

She belches into the phone for Jesse when she’s calling to ask for money, saying that “saying no to me” doesn’t work out well. Tricia tells the cameras she doesn’t intend to pay Ashley back for the money she fronts her.

She tries to teach Ashley’s daughter that “mommy’s a bitch.” She catcalls out the window to women. She also lights a cigarette in the backseat of a car next to the kid.

“I’m going to get what I want,” she says, “and if a baby’s standing in my way, move the baby.”

The kid, who has some sort of marks on her face, starts crying at Tricia’s bidding and then makes comment about how she shouldn’t have gotten knocked up so young.

I’m trying to figure out if I’ve ever seen worse human being than this, and I’m not sure that I have. Not only is Tricia rancid looking, but her soul is barren. She builds herself up as if she’s something to be desired, but there’s not a motherfucking thing desirable about somebody who looks and acts like that.

She wears tight clothes everyday — Jesse calls it slutty — but she shouldn’t wear tight clothes anyday. “I can’t help that I have boobs,” she says (before taking $300 out for a bachelorette-party dress that meant the rent check would bounce). But you can help that they’re on your lovehandles and thighs. As she’s trying dresses on, she looks like she could be a lineman for the Lions, one with a lot of backfat.

She wears a pink mustache to the party. They’re doing shots before they even leave the rental while Jesse’s still there. What a horrible place this guy’s in.

“Some of her friends aren’t the most trustworthy girls,” says Jesse. “Two of her friends are whores. They are. And, I don’t know what they’re going to do. Katie. And Marissia. Ashley, too, then. Sabrina.”

Oh, cool. On the way to the club, she’s trying to hook up with one of the girls at the party because “it’s all about the sex, baby.” They grind on each other, the whole pack of whores. Trashy whores, too. It’s, like, not even entertaining to watch.

Anyway, Jesse’s in the fucking parking lot!!! “We’ll talk about this later,” he says on the phone. “He could’ve been in the club. I wouldn’t have known.”

Like, what the fuck’s wrong with this guy? He flips out about the cameras being there. She looks scared as can be, too. Serves her fucking right.

The show then cuts to the day of Danielle‘s wedding. It’s raining. Which is fitting. The power gets knocked out at the venue, too. She was worried about having a “ghetto wedding where everybody’s holding flashlights,” but the power went back on. And so did the wedding. Truth be told, this story shouldn’t even have been on the show.

It’s an affront to take someone who’s pushy, demanding and arrogant and compare them to a pig like Tricia. It’s good that she was contained to one episode. Because, now we get to discuss how horrible Tricia is for three weeks running next week.

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