Amanda Ellis vs Josh Ellis

Psycho control freak

Psycho control freak

Guy who shacked up with a psycho control freak

Guy who shacked up with a psycho control freak

One look at Amanda Ellis and every guy out there will probably think the same thing I thought instantly: Total psycho who might be worth a one-night fling, if only her walk of shame wasn’t saddled with a lifetime of unbearable aftershocks from a nutjob. I’ll bet Josh wishes he hadn’t have been blinded by lust for this mediocre-looking chick. It’s so obvious that I wonder whether I should even write this, lest I get barraged with more annoying emails than those which come in from Nigerian princes trying to cut me in on a multi-million dollar side deal. I’ll let poor, poor Josh take it from there …

“She is a controlling drama queen,” Josh says by way of introduction. “It all started the night we got married.

“On our way home from the reception she started laying down ground rules on me, telling me that she comes first in my life from now on, her family comes second, my family comes third in my life.

“Her family would be the ones that decide where and when my family would be able to see my son.

“She was going to keep control of all the money from now on.

“I was not allowed to leave the house unless it was for work or to run an errand.

“I was not allowed to see my friends. My friends were not allowed to come over to the house. She persisted until we got home that night.

“Once we finally made it home (sigh) I didn’t fight with her, I just let it progress. I just let it go. Didn’t want to argue.

“When we got home, she brought up a new rule: I was no longer allowed to mourn for my deceased father. He was dead and gone …” At that point, they cut away for a shot of Amanda, who’s rolling her eyes playfully. At that point, I wish forced tube-tyings were an option in America. “I needed to forget about him. From now on, she was my new life. Her family was my new family and I needed to forget about him. I was so infuriated I couldn’t do anything but stand there in shakes. I went downstairs, went out back, broke down and cried for the next 2 or 3 hours. She never came downstairs to check on me. She didn’t care. She just went to bed, and that was my entire wedding.”

Jesus fucking Christ, where were you when this evil piece of shit was spawned? Do you expect me to believe in God anymore, when she says that, well, she didn’t say he couldn’t mourn anymore, just that he should move on for the sake of his son? “If he (cried on our wedding night), I was asleep and didn’t even notice he wasn’t in bed.”

I don’t believe a single excuse this bug-eyed, gap- and crooked-toothed tramp is producing. What a sin to see this guy so broken down. I hardly think getting n00dz texted from a ladyfriend makes up for even one second with Amanda Ellis. I’d bet the house on the friend being more attractive, inside and out, than this foul creature who then brings up the fact that his mom suffers from seizures and that there was a two-family meeting that resulted in:

— Cops showing up because, says Lady Evil, “his brother tried to slam my face into the sidewalk when we left.” (To which I say if anybody deserves a Jersey Curb Sandwich, it’s Amanda, not the guy in American History X.)

— Them being asked to leave prior to that because she threw a bottle of ketchup at the wait staff. This was after Amanda was called a whore who didn’t know who the father of her baby was.

This is some surreal shit here, let me tell you. So, I’m not surprised that Josh claims to not have been invited to their second child’s birth because her mom was in the delivery room.

People, in one way or another, Amanda Ellis represents everything that’s wrong with this world. I’m going to save this on the DVR for about 15 years. It’ll make the birds-and-bees talk with Young Hickey all the easier.

Bonus coverage: The Divorce Court re-run was James Johnson vs. Chareesa “Multiple Personalities” Johnson.

2 comments for “Amanda Ellis vs Josh Ellis

  1. Infantry1982
    June 7, 2010 at 16:16

    She reminds me of Kathy Bates in Misery. Better wear steel toe boots my friend.

  2. June 7, 2010 at 16:22

    She’s hotter than Ms. Bates, though. But just a little.

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