Tool Academy III speaks for itself



GST's self-portrait

GST's self-portrait



GSTg's drawing

GSTg's drawing

Setting: In the Tool Academy mansion conference room, Tools are challenged to draw self-portraits. Unbeknownst to them, the girlfriends (and boyfriend) who sent them off to Tool Academy are also drawing portraits of the Tools.
Enter “Glow Stick Tool” Daniel, who clears his throat while flipping to his portrait which includes: A building (likely a school) with a red circle and “no” line though it, a dollar bill with the same treatment, a desk with a computer atop it, five stick figures and a mini-GlowStickTool sporting black t-shirt and blue jeans.

Glow Stick Tool: This is my modest perception of myself. I haven’t succeeded in very much. I don’t recall ever winning anything. I never finished school (pointing at the school) or have a real job. And, I’m broke. And these people heres (pointing at the stick figures) sorta represent society, um, they’re kinda judging me.

Hostess/shrink: Do you present yourself to the world as an outcast, because you feel like you don’t belong?

GST: Yeah, I don’t feel like normally accepted. (Cut to pre-taped interview with GST wearing a black Ed Hardy T-shirt and lavender bandana rolled and tied around his neck) I personally blame society for the way I feel about not having a job. People are so shallow. They’re quick to judge, and, that’s just the way I feel about it.

(H/s then flips to the portrait that Glow Stick Tool’s girlfriend (GSTg) Lesley drew.) H/s: What do you feel about all this, Lesley?

GSTg (crying): Daniel has such a huge heart. But, he put a wall up. He doesn’t talk to me. When we lived with his Godmom, he always was in the room with the door locked.

GST: There was a room. I had trashcans and TV and everything I needed in there. I didn’t come out very much. (Tears starting to well.) I didn’t really want to.

H/s: What are you frightened of, hiding in that room?

GST: If I come out of that room, I would’ve had to, had to, grow up.

H/s: And yet you’re a dad.

GST: Yeah.

H/s: So a child, with a child, feeling quite alone and quite small. (Pan to GST, on whose face the waterworks have begun.) Alright, thank you.

From there, after Teary Tool gets into a screaming match with Double Talking Tool, and Neander Tool gets into a spat with Toolette Jennavecia’s man, the show proceeds to a focus group that was watching their therapy sessions and on-camera bravado. Seeing his entree, GST starts picking a fight with GSTg
GST: “I know what you are and all you’re ever going to be.”

GSTg: Shut the fuck up. (Pushing him). I’m fucking done with him.
GST follows after GSTg, giving her the finger. GSTg responds with fists a’flying.

GST: GET THE FUCK OFF ME! (Series of beeps).

GSTg: You say I don’t know how to act in a fucking house with a fucking dude?!!

GST: (Series of beeps)

GSTg: (Series of beeps) You don’t know how to fucking act. I know how to fucking act. YOU STILL ACT LIKE YOUR FUCKING 13, YOU ASSHOLE.
(Cut to a shot of GST getting teary-eyed again. H/s comes in to quiet things down. GSTg is outside, sitting at the Tool Academy mansion fountain saying how this all started because she talked to a man in the house.)

GST: No matter what I do, it’s obvious I can’t turn a ho into a housewife.

Teary Tool (from the interview room): That means zero progress.

GST: I got my problems, and she got hers too. If she thinks she can hit me everytime she gets mad, she’s getting too comfortable with that shit and that shit’s not cool.

Cut away to the focus group who’s reviewing their overall behavior, and self-portraits.
Video of GST flinging the GSs around.

GST: I’m a glow sticker. Like, hard-core. Dedicated. Devoted to glow sticks. I ain’t had a real job in probably, like, a couple years. Man, we have problems when we talk about marriage, man. I mean, that shit lasts a long time.

Focus group member: I don’t know if I missed the train or not, when ‘glow sticks’ became a profession.

Other focus group member: The only thing (GST and GSTg) have in common in a (southern) accent. Like, I don’t know what she’s going to do with him. I have a feeling that their relationship is more like a ‘nagging mother and, like, an immature child.’

Host: Was that helpful?

GSTg (Shrugs).

GST: I heard ‘um. The fact is I don’t care enough about any of those people in there to give a shit, period.

GSTg: I’m so confused by Daniel right now. I just need him to sit down and be honest with me … and himself. Does he see a future for us?

Epliogue: GST did not see a future for he and GSTg. Having been told “I’m sorry, you’re a tool” because actions spoke louder than society-blaming words, he left the mansion and told GSTg that, “I love you, but I’m not exactly in love with you no more.”
Said GSTg, “I’m done,” before boarding a limo.
Said one of the girlfriends, “You just lost a good thing, Daniel, seriously.”
Retorted GST, “I just gained a good thing, too.”
Declared GSTg from the limo, “Good luck finding a bitch that’s going to put up with you, Daniel.”
Concluded GST: “She can be someone else’s problem for all I care.”
Cut to GST walking down the driveway. Voice over of GSTg, “Enjoy your single life, Daniel. Don’t come crawling back to me when you get tired of it, because I’m not going to be there.”

Ooooh, bright-ey

Ooooh, bright-ey

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